FINALLY!…Tiger is gonna speak!
Posted by UFreak in 
His wounds must have healed up nicely, huh???…I can’t WAIT to hear what his Lawyer/Publicist, uh I mean, HE, has to say! I can only imagine his Families are gonna get back together!….His NIKE family (which is the most important of course) AND his “wife” family! (I hear Nike will NEVER “F” Tiger!….and, well, Elin might not either,????….Well, at least not “double penetration” style, like he’s now use to having!)
How much Nike is looking forward to this can only PALE in comparisson to what WE the public are expecting! NOW all you Tiger fans can watch Golf again!…YA,YA,YA,YA,YA,YA!!!!!!
Tiger Woods will end nearly three months of silence Friday when he speaks publicly for the first time since his middle-of-the-night car accident sparked stunning revelations of infidelity.
However, his agent said Woods will not take any questions from a small group of media.
“This is not a press conference,” Mark Steinberg said Wednesday.
It will be Woods’ first public appearance since Nov. 27, when he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home. Woods’ only comments since then have been made through his Web site.
“It will be good to see Tiger’s face again, and see that he’s actually out there somewhere,” Stewart Cink said. “I think this is the beginning of the comeback process for him.”
Woods is to speak at 11 a.m. Friday from the clubhouse at the TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., home of the PGA Tour.
“This is all about the next step,” Steinberg said. “He’s looking forward to it.”
Still, there was strict control over the appearance, typical of Woods’ career.
Steinberg described the gathering as a “small group of friends, colleagues and close associates,” who will listen to Woods apologize as he talks about the past and what he plans to do next. He said three wire services have been invited — The Associated Press, Reuters and Bloomberg — and he asked the Golf Writers Association of America to recommend pool reporters.
Only one camera will be in the room to provide live coverage via satellite. Steinberg said other writers with proper credentials could watch from a hotel ballroom more than a mile away.
“The first time out, he’s better controlling it,” Padraig Harrington said. “Over time, there will be questions. At the moment, the best thing is a more controlled environment and gradually ease his way back into it.”
Steinberg said in an e-mail announcing the public appearance, “While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between he and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends and that’s what he’s going to discuss.”
The timing is peculiar. It will be held during the third round of the Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona, sure to steal attention away from the first big event of the year. Accenture was the first sponsor to drop Woods when he became embroiled in the sex scandal.
“He’s got to come out at some point,” Rory McIlroy said. “I suppose he might want to get something back against the sponsor that dropped him. No, I don’t know. It just went on for so long. I’m sick of hearing about it. And I’m just looking forward to when he’s getting back on the golf course.”
PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said he did not think Woods’ appearance was going to undermine a World Golf Championship event.
“We have tournaments every week,” Finchem said. “I think it’s going to be a story in and of itself. A lot of people are going to be watching golf this week to see what the world of golf says about it, my guess is. So that will be a good thing.”
As far as the PGA Tour’s part in the Woods event, Finchem said: “We were asked to make the facility available and to help with the logistics. That’s what we’re doing.”
Steinberg said only that Woods’ appearance during the championship was “a matter of timing.” Asked if it could have waited until Monday, he said, “No.”
No other news conference this week drew a larger crowd of reporters than the 20 who surrounded Finchem, a testament to how Woods has dominated the conservation at the Match Play.
“We’re all better off when he’s playing,” Adam Scott said. “I’m curious as to when he’ll return to golf.”
As for the timing?
“It’s his choice,” Scott said. “I guess the tour is hosting it there.”
Woods made a spectacular fall from his perch atop golf. He was believed to have been the first athlete to gross $1 billion in earnings and endorsements and, at 14 majors, was closing in on golf’s record of 18 majors held by Jack Nicklaus.
It all collapsed in the early morning hours the day after Thanksgiving.
Over the last few months, Woods has been on the cover of gossip magazines and the butt of jokes on national talk shows.
In the days before Woods’ accident, a National Enquirer story alleged the world’s No. 1 golfer had been seeing a New York nightclub hostess. Following the crash, a stream of women came forward to claim they had romantic relationships with Woods. One woman provided Us Weekly magazine with a voicemail she said Woods left her three days before the crash, asking her to take his number off her phone.
Woods admitted to “infidelity” in a statement on his Web site in mid-December and has been on an indefinite break from golf ever since.
Ian Poulter, who went extra holes to win his opening match, was among those curious to hear what Woods had to say. His only hope was to hear about it later.
“Hopefully, I’ll be on the golf course and not listening to it,” he said
‘Tis the season
SING IT LOUD!
…”I got a mistress
And a mistress for my mistress
My main girls gets an X5 for Christmas
Tried just one but they all so delicious
You got a full plate?
I got a whole set of dishes…”
………and;
“borrowed“..
Welcome to Tigerland.
The biggest misconception about the Tiger cheating scandal is that Rachel Uchitel and Kalika Moquin, two of the first three women named by the tabloids, were his full-time lovers. They may have been at some point (especially Rachel, some say on numerous occasions) but that was not their primary function. No, Uchitel’s main job was to provide women for Tiger during his globetrotting excursions to various tournaments, charity functions and fuck-and-run private-jet weekends with his Fortune 500 party pals that he seemed to enjoy so much. Kalika Moquin? Many Las Vegas insiders doubt that she ever slept with Tiger. But she did set him up with some sweet VIP service at The Bank or at Bare like any good hostess would: a roomful of available girls with a certain look that Tiger wanted, flown in just for the occasion. This is the world of high-end nightclub VIP treatment, where velvet ropes guard comfy, cloistered areas with leathery couches and bottles of Grey Goose, everything catered to the wishes of the much sought-after professional athlete clientele. And, yes, sports fans, that means loading their velvet-roped stable with fake-boobied ponies to fuck. “The fact that people don’t understand that these affairs are well-orchestrated is pretty naive,” says one VIP concierge who has worked with Uchitel (we’ll call him “Serge” for the sake of not always having to say “VIP Concierge Number 1″ when using his quotes). “Rachel Uchitel works for Tiger the minute he gets off the plane wherever he is: from dinner, to photos, to nightclubs, to drugs, to girls — whatever he wants.”
And Tiger’s a mighty whale. Serge estimates she’s probably on retainer for about 10-15k per month to handle all his dirty business, and the tips for successful Tiger poontang-wrangling (among other things) could net her upwards of 50k in tips. Rachel knows not to mess around with somebody like Tiger; that whole “I didn’t bang Tiger!” charade she pulled with anybody who asked after the National Enquirer tailed her to Melbourne may have been somewhat true (meaning: she’s not his main chick), but Tiger’s probably not concerned with whatever she has to say about their true-or-false copulation activities — he’s more concerned that she knows how Tiger’s been feeding off a menu of 20-and-30-something bubbleheads for years provided to him by Uchitel via her concierge service. No, it’s not exactly prostitution — but these girls are flown in from LA to Vegas for a weekend of all-expenses and free drinks and admission into this world of über-rich sleaziness. If a famous athlete takes an interest, they certainly have the option to do whatever it is they want (no pressure!). So Rachel? She basically got caught in Melbourne on one of her many girl-corralling expeditions for one of her most important clients, which is a crucial part of her job.
“She knows everybody and everybody knows her,” Serge says. “The clubs pay her big money for the clients that she brings in. She’s not a f.cking floozy or nothing. She’s a real event planner. She’s not just some girl that lifts up the velvet rope and sucks guy’s dicks. She’s the kind of girl that when you talk to her, you know, she’s all business. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and her agenda is to land big clients — not big boyfriends.” And if Uchitel were to start dishing, then plenty of other Sportsmen of the Year — not to mention certain members of the media who cover them — would suffer a similar fate as Tiger. There are many, many, many doors that many, many, many people would prefer stay tightly closed for now.
So think of Rachel not as a spurned mistress but more as a faithful confidante in Woods’ elite inner circle. She knows where all the coochie is buried (even more than we know at this time), and if there has been any kind of financial transaction made for her silence, it was done with that in mind. Another equally viable alternative is that Rachel had the good sense to know she’ll have quite a career for herself in this “legit” business once all this Tiger mess has passed. She knows how to honor the omerta of all VIP hosts that Tiger paid big money for her to observe.
Same thing Kalika, whom Serge describes as a “goody-two-shoes” of the Vegas nightlife scene, someone who’s so meticulous about her work that she’d never entertain the notion of sleeping with Tiger simply because it would be very bad for business. “F.cking Tiger would be really terrible for her reputation as a marketing and event planner for these places. There’s big money in that. She’s legit, dude!” (Yes, Serge says, “Legit, dude!” just as you’d expect he would.)
The one girl who didn’t surprise anyone in this mess is budding reality star Jaimee Grubbs. According to VIP Concierge # 2 (let’s call him, I don’t know, “Jorge”), she was wrangled for a weekend, possibly by some folks at The Bank (where Kalika just so happened to work), but she was always such an attention whore that a kajillion-word Us Weekly article buttressed with saved text messages and voicemails fit her profile to a capital extra “E.” “Everyone on the scene knew who Jaimee was in Vegas the minute she stepped off the plane,” Jorge says. “She dated a guy at The Bank for a long time.” She had big plans, big dreams, she was gonna be a star … but she fell in love with Tiger while watching Angels & Demons. That’ll help a career, won’t it? Dum-dum.
Jaimee (and the other little yapping Tiger girls) annoyed the crap out one of Tiger’s mistresses — a person who actually considered herself a “full-time” of Tiger’s thanks to years of faithful service to his virulent sexual appetite. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Veronica Siwik-Daniels aka Joslyn James, a double-D brunette whose specialties include being double-penetrated on camera in many NSFW films.
But Jorge, proud Facebook friend of Miss Siwik-Daniels, said that this status update she posted on Dec. 2 was meant for all the ladies running their mouth about her man, Eldrick.
“I find it comical when certain individuals have no life of their own and want to be ME…so terribly bad. LMAO!”
The emphasis on “ME,” says Jorge, was Veronica’s way of respecting her unique relationship with Tiger and not becoming part of the screeching hordes. She did not return a message left on her phone requesting comment. Good for her.
Jorge was less discreet, however, telling me that Joslyn used love to talk about “all the freaky shit Tiger dug in bed,” and that every time he’d come to town he’d pay for a visit. You know, with cash.
But here’s what we’ve learned throughout this Tiger mess, which, in many ways, may change how some of these athletes are covered. Athletes have utilized the VIP service to engage in their affairs (and meet possible mistresses) for the sake of (supposed) privacy, philandering without the hassle of having to do any work themselves to land these women. It’s a dirty business all around. But what to do now, since Tiger has gone and messed it up for a bunch of people who were pretty safe from prying eyes and camera lenses whenever they stepped out on their wives and girlfriends during Vegas weekends? CHAOS REIGNS …
Welcome to the new world, mainstream media, where the blanks are about to be filled-in. The truth will set you free.
Now, bring me the client friend list of Pam Tina Trahan and let’s really start some shit.
How much for the Hydrant?
Tiger skates, of course. Everyone with LARGE $$ does….and, he probably should. He’s gonna have his hands full for a few months ( But NOT with THIS ). Tiger’s gonna call Kobe, and commission the jeweler that got him out of the hot water. Yeah, if rUFf butt-sex costs a man 4-mil, what does “Down-under-night-putting” cost?
Still, how much do you think that Fire Hydrant will fetch on e-bay?
Q. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? A. Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Q. What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge? A. He can back up his pitching wedge
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. I guess he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
“Eye” of her TIGER!
Was THAT what Elin (Tiger’s wife) was aiming for when she “bum” rushed her man after the Thanksgiving Day meal? Elin and The Tiger have been mostly unavailable to authorities since the mysterious crash outside their shared home, early Friday morning. Reports have the scene looking as if Elin came rushing out of the home, after “hearing” her husband’s vehicle crash shortly after leaving the home.- WHAT, (yeah, me too)?..uh, then she came rushing outside with a golf club,….????..uh, you know, in case a window needs to be busted out…orrrrrr, your cheatin’ bastard husband hasn’t completely paid for his sins yet!???? Anyway, the claim is asking the public to believe that she rushed outside, and noticed that her husband some how wrecked his SUV; — a mere 6 seconds after he fired it up (Did your “bullshit alarm” go off too?). She rushed out to “help” him out thru the back window? She’s HUGE right?….what does Elin go, about 6’2″, somewhere around 230-240lbs?…right? Yeah, certainly she could crawl thru a busted window in the rear of the vehicle, and pull a 33-year old man out through that opening. SURE! SO!..at least THAT part of this mystery is cleared up!
Let’s see what this little incident might look like through the Al Bundy “MWC” glasses, though;
“Al” comes home from being abroad, or more specifically, “down under” at a Shoe Convention! Unbeknownst to “AL”, “Peggy” had received a few thousand text messages a few days earlier asking her why some New York Chippie from “Reebok” had her ”outback” stuck to “AL’s” crotch all weekend at some exclusive hotel. Even the National Enquirer, the “rag to the stars”, mentions it. Well, perhaps ”Peg” just rings it up to “Life with a Shoe celeb” and says “what the hell”…..or, perhaps she doesn’t!?? MAYBE she shits on that couch of hers, pizzed off in her cheap tawdry pumps!…or, “Pizzed in Pumps”, as we’ll call it here….Oh, and Naked too!,– after all, this is MY story, right?….So Eli-, uh, “Peggy” is naked, on the couch, with little more than her hawt red pump (shoes) on, and she’s pizzed! (What?..no pic link here?…hhmm, thought I’d have a pic link for this one,..no?…oh well!) Don’t click HERE,…really, don’t!…OK, sorry, HERE YA GO! That’s more appropriate considering the topic here.
Mid-way through watching the hired help clean up after the Thanksgiving meal, “Peg” and “Al” retire to their “Chamber” to draw into some more comfortable night time attire! ”Al” removes his Nike issued underwear, and out plops a grilled shrimp (a’la ”on the barbie!”) and a bloomin’ onion skinned condom!…”OH SHIT”! ”Peggy” now flips the “F” out! She grabs a Nike 9 iron (they have clubs in that house like one of them makes a living by golfing, they’re EVERYWHERE!!) and she starts to work on correcting her fade! She fades one just below “Al’s” nose, then slices one into (his) Woods! (ha!,..I had to work that in there, sorry!) Bleeding from the mouth, AND running towards the garage with a newly defined gait, “AL” grabs the keys to the only vehicle he can find….no, NOT the Dodge!, the Escalade! Al rev’s the engine, but “Peg” has already consulted her caddy, and now bears down on “Al” with her hybrid club….looking to pitch one from the rUFf stUFf. “Al” is a little slow out of the box, and “Peggy” catches ”back glass” with her (Nike) Slingshot. ITS IN THE HOLE!…ITS IN THE HOLE!…she cries! (OR, if it works better for you, she does a little “HERE’S JOHNNY!” instead). FREAKED OUT, “Al” punches it,…the gas, not Peggy!…He’d never do that! “Him’s LOVES her!….anyway, he “hits the gas” and smokes it out of there, trailing “Peggy” like it were the field at Melbourne! Unfortunately for “Al” the only ‘driving” he’s any good at, it off a tee, so he ends up shanking his Caddy into the tree!. Peg meets up with him shortly after, and continues her assault on the ass end of the car. Banging, and banging and pumping and pumping her slingshot into that tail…..end. “Al” jumps out to stop her, but is again met in the jaw with one of his sponsors “products”. This time, her caddy has handed her the heavy WOOD(s). OUCH!
Luckily for “Al”, Jefferson Darcy has called the Cops!, and in rich neighborhoods they get there pretty quick! “Al” is dazed and confused when the Police arrive. Numerous blows to the head with “Just the right club” can have that effect on a man. That’s why, ladies, it is important to buy your man the right set! Shop now, in time for a good Xmas day massacre! Planning ahead ensures many Holiday memories later!
OK, so The Police get there, they say all the …”How in the F*&K do you crash THAT vehicle into THAT tree, from there; –and NOT be incredibly “F’d”-up?” ‘s. Noting to themselves this is “AL BUNDY” and his hawt blonde wife “PEGGY”!, they decide to play nice and listen to the explanation. Since “Al” has some divots in his head and face, they listen to “Peggy” tell the story. Holding back the laughter, and resisting the urge to ask “You busted out the back window with a golf club?….for WHY??!?!?!!”….Instead, they allow her enUFf time (and rope) to implicate herself. Hey, if the b.tch is gonna hang herself, its only right that you allow her that OPP!
So there you have it, “Married w/Children” on location, in Orlando!….The Bundy’s aren’t talking to anyone about this at the moment…well, aside from a slew of expensive lawyers and maybe a good romance novelist anyway! This will all be explained as soon as the script is completed! It’ll explain all the mystery and wrap it up in some home-spun manner, leaving no stone unturned! Heck, even that tree and foliage that was destroyed will be restored to “better-than-new” status very soon! Besides, he can always just say he was just washing his hands…?
The only mystery left, will be, does little Miss “Down-Under” show up in California this weekend, or does “Peggy” attend this event?