A Night To Remember
Posted by TCombs in 
Miami Vice Jacket – $25, Razors and a haircut for Ben – $45, paying off porn stars and college chicks to keep quiet – $4.5 million, a night on the town with these two – PRICELESS!
Tiger Will Win The Masters…
….Because a True Playa, is always on top of his game!
There’s a pretty good article HERE if you want to read it. But since you’d rather hear what I have to say, let me continue…..
A broken, beaten, and battered Tiger Woods will be ready to get back to his old self in Augusta. It’ll be a chance for him to get away from his crazy, violent, psycho wife. Lets be fair here, there’s never a good reason to hit your spouse (male or female), right? Now he can get back to his true love, his true passion which is taking out his driver and putting that little white ball in the hole, in as few strokes as possible (all kinds of pun intended). Unofficial, unconfirmed, and even unreported reports this week say that Tiger is focused more than ever. All he cares about is winning the Masters. Personally, I hope he wins it. I’m not going to condemn the man for being a man. Now that we know what a psycho he was dealing with, can anyone really blame him for his infidelities? We don’t know what his home life was like. Just because he’s a billionaire and she’s a drop dead gorgeous lingerie model, that doesn’t mean she’s not at home like, “Tiger, did you take out the trash?” “Tiger, did you pick up your socks?” “Tiger, when you and your little friends finish playin’ that golf game, I need you to unload the dishwasher?”. Not saying I approve of his behavior. I’m just saying, I can relate. I understand where the man is coming from. I mean, how many times can you walk in the door and say “Hey Honey, I just deposited another $15million in the bank and got that $250 million Nike contract extended”, only to hear the normal bitching and complaining as if you just finished working the night shift at McDonalds? Men don’t cheat because they’re not attracted to you, because they don’t love you, or because some other girl does it better. They cheat because they can fuck her and not have to listen to all the bitching. Again, I don’t approve of what he did, I’m just saying…I can relate.
Good Luck Tiger, Doc is pulling for you baby!
Vote 1 if you think tiger should be condemned, Vote 10 if you hope he wins The Masters.
[starrater tpl=10 style='crystal']
Tiger on the loose!
People keep asking me, “Doc, what do you think about the Tiger situation?” , “Doc, did you listen to the speech?” and I can say is this….
I don’t give a fuck about what he did! I don’t care about his speech! And I don’t care if his woman stays by his side or not! I don’t care how many chicks he was banging or in how many cities! All I care about is watching the man play golf!
Lets be real here! Most of the analysts, experts, people on the board at these marketing companies, any body and everybody that is giving there opinion has cheated or done something wrong in their life. I’m tired of listening to these hypocrites put the man down, over analyze his every word, and second guess if his model wife is gonna stick around.
I can’t condemn the man for pulling out the driver on every hole. It just proves he’s human. He’s one of the most recognizable people on the planet. I heard a comedian describe it best, “A man is only as faithful as his options. He can stop chasing the poo-nanny, but if the poo-nanny is chasing him —-He can’t run fast enough!”……..Is it funny, YES. Is it true, ABSOLUTELY!
Think about it fellas, if a chick walked up to your sorry ass right now and said, “Drop your pants, I’m dying to blow you”, you wouldn’t know how to act. The first thought in your head would be, “WTF, is this a game show?”. Second thing you would do is look around and see if anybody knows you. Third thing you would do…..you would say “Let the facial begin”!
In Closing…Don’t hate the man for being a man! And ladies, when you marry a high profile person such as this, you might as well accept that he’s going to cheat on you. Afterall, you only married him for the money anyway, so what do you care if he bangs a chick or 200 on the side?
Ancient Chinese Proverb says: “Man who live in glass house, should change clothes in basement”……..Think about it!
This has been another enlightening message from The Doc!
Peace!
I’m out Bitches!
I now HATE freakin’ Tiger Woods!
Yeah, I could care less which of the (possibly) many holes he dips his balls in,…Sure, as a man I may be a little jealous that he’s more able then I, and, I’m a little past my ‘day” now, but..no,…its not that. Its just that now my wife wants a freakin contract full of $$ bonuses, to hang out with me! And I can’t even TELL you what I have to pay for boom-boom now!
Yeah, like if riding the fun-ship UFreak wasn’t enUFf, NOW after reading the new “deal” Elin is getting, MY wife wants a written “BANG-me-for-CASH” arrangement to stay with MY ass!….Yeah, as if the regular ash-plowings weren’t enUFf!, now she apparently wants some cash too!…YOU FREAKIN’ ASH HOLE TIGER! WTF!?!?!? OK, sure, I have a few dollars shy of a Billion, and we live in a cardboard cut-out by comparison,..still. I now have to pay??? U PRICK!!!
Elin gets 80 million to stay with the Worlds #1 sports celeb?, and (if reports are right) 55 million if she just stays 2 more years!?…F**K!. I’d live in Hitlers flooded basement as a whiny Jew, for 2 years for even a 100th of that!. Shit, Tiger, you F**KED the curve up but good, DUDE!…Even for us regular folk!.
My wife, and believe me she’s put up with some sh*t, would make Elin puke hard food, by comparison. Now she wants a money specific deal! Hell, its topical now!….Fox will have a “PAY FOR ASS” reality show in about 30 minutes, guys! Snatch is gonna be put on lay-away pretty soon! AND!…We can thank the biggest puzzy on the planet for this new World Order! Yeah, Tiger Woods, the geek who is paying his women up to 80 million (and 55 million guaranteed) to tolerate living in the lap of luxery, for TWO YEARS!!!!! She gets 55 million dollars, on top of any settlement money, (they have two kids and she’s been living pretty high on the “not-Tigers-HOG”, fellas!) to live with a guy she supposedly wanted to marry!!!!!…yeah, I KNOW! This is a ridiculous development, man!
What does a 27.5 million dollar a year “crank” do?…..I mean, I get good ass sex,….and I’ve had some pretty good “smooth down” in my days, but, I cannot imagine what 27.5 million a year crank does! This crotch must,…what,…sh.t guys, I can’t even imagine what a 27.5 million dollar a year b.tch could do for a dude…there cannot be true value, there. There just can’t be! Tiger’s life is hell, but he’s going to NOW!???..over-pay for “crank” he’s not even going to GET!?!?!? (at least you gotta think he wont be getting it MORE often, anyway!)…. Do you think she’s gonna be a BETTER piece in the rack or a worse piece, here forward?….Everytime he says “Babe, that was incredible”…She’s gonna say,..”Well, for what you’re paying, it sure SHOULD BE F*CKER!”…and he can forget about oral obligations all-together, dude, that’s another 40 mil!!
27.5 million a year, divided by 356 days, means that b.tch is getting, what,..like…75,00 per day?….COME ON TIGER!!!!…THERE IS NO F*CKIN WAY SHE’S GOT A PUZZY WORTH 75K a DAY!!. Give us regular guys a break, man!…You DO KNOW, prostitution is illegal, right !?!?!? GOD-DAMMIT!. man! BALL UP, kick the freakin’ b*tch to the god-damn curb!…Don’t pay her to stay with you!….THINK ABOUT US ONE TIME!
I guess I’m lucky, though…My wife is only asking for $42.35 a week to tolerate my ass….maybe I’m getting a deal?!?!?!?…She sure has a lot more to consider than that (legal) whore Elin has to! WHERE ARE YOU UNCLE SAM!?!?! This just CAN’T be right!!!!
Look, I understand Tiger’s prick has a mind of its own, and that’s fine!
What I CAN’T understand, is that sissy-bitch lawyer-esque statement he released today! He should have his nuts revoked, as a penalty! What a puzzy! I’ll never look at the man the same, ever again! look, you had a need, and you purr’sued it. It happens!
Listen, I understand Tiger Woods is a man, and a sickly rich man at that. I also understand that even a smokin’ hawt chick can become boring or, even more depressing, stagnant! AAAAhhhhhhh! Really, imagine you are fortunate enUFf to hook up with a top Super model, like Elin, and you bag her! YUM! While you are in mid-coitis, you realize,…”Uh, this smokin’ hot bitch just isn’t that good”!..But your brain is fighting your eyes, and your ego, so you submit! Unfortunately, few men can mentally work past that hot-ness to dismiss even the most average sex partner! For some men, that one is all they’re gonna get!…yeah, I know,…pathetic!
Had you been a goof golf geek like Tiger, you might have NEVER had a pice THAT good (most of us dont)….well, at least not until you started making large cash! Golf ‘studs”, even at Stanford, PROBABLY didn’t bring home that best trim most nights. Truth be told, they probably, in those days, didn’t bring home much at all; -unless they came to school really really rich! Even then, it was PROBABLY a stuffy ass snatch at best.
In all likelihood Tiger had an obligatory nut that seemed like the best ever, with Miss Elin. Heck, even if you were a somewhat accomplished “dude”, you might accept your penis’ interpretation that Elin’s looks beat out the less than acceptable performance. This isn’t exclusive to Tiger, but more of a widspread problem. How else do dudes accept jail to their women leaving them?
I’m suggesting that, even if “she” IS extremely hawt, she may not be,…well,…all that “good”! At least not good enUFf to marry! BUT!…You “F”‘d up! You married “looks”, and not passion….M-I-S-T-A-K-E!
You can see that as possible, right? If you step outside of her looks and evaluate the “pump” value. (That’s not “making love”, either, that’s brutal “up-the-whoo-hoo” Pro-level BANGING!…..Really, if you are into “making love”, YOU are a PRIME candidate for a partner that is looking for another mate! “Making Love” is a silly ass Soap Opera ideal, that doesn’t mean shit in the real World. If you are banking on your “Love making” ability to sustain your partner, you’re an IDIOT! You’re better off to start thinking about *****in’ that “person” of interest, and leave “making love” to the stupid ass actors in movies and on TV. That “sissy-ass” shit doesn’t live out here in he real world!
Hey, I dated a smokin’ hawt Buccaneer Cheerleader back in the day, and she was smokin’ hot…Sure, she was ALSO great in the rack, but, had she NOT been, I’d have walked……Yes, I sure would have; and in a minute! That wasn’t the case with her, and as it turned out she ended up realizing she could do better, and left me. I was NOT in a position to argue with her, heck, I was a hack Ho trolling babes for the fun of it, at that time. She left me for a dude playing in the NFL, fella’s, there’s no shame in that game!…I was pizzed to lose the ”clam”, but at the same time she didn’t owe me anything! Besides, as you can now attest, I still have a great memory!…which I was lucky to get!
The point here, aside from me braggin’ a little, is this;…..No matter HOW hot the babe is, somewhere there is a dude who is sick of her shit! -OR, pizzed off! Yeah, maybe you’ve heard that old cliche, and maybe you’ve actually lived it (Like I did). Instead of being a jerk-ass about it, I took it for what is was – a great time!. I got her on her way up, which is better than ”on-her-way-down”. Still, it wasn’t enUFf to “Marry”!
So, Tiger has a smokin’ piece at home……see her HERE,…..OK, so we all know she’s a babe. Still, if she blows in the rack, or is even “just” good,…there’s always going to be a need to roam! Ladies, this is NOT a revelation, nor is it ANYthing different to how YOU all live or “roam” either. Some guys just figure that if the picture is nice, so is the ride. Well, like anyone whose ever ridden the Beast will tell you, there IS a better ride out there!
Elin, you are super hot!…and, now, you are a mother. Mother’s “sometimes” feel freaky about making it “pop” in the bedroom after they birthed a child. The old, I’m a Mom, not a Whore” syndrome creeps in; or so I hear. Well, you played the part to hook the man, so dont be surprised when he wants that “whore” forever more!
You may think change is in order, and if you do…MORE power to you! But!, don’t freak when your man seeks out, and finds, another sexy dawg! Sex IS actually THAT important -it is! You may lose interests, or cut back because you’re not in the mood like you once were…Heck, maybe you even scaled back on the freaky shit (BIG MISTAKE!)…It’ll be noticed and, if needed, REPLACED! Dudes need sex. PERIOD!. THEY NEED IT! and, more than you do. This should interst you, unless you want them to bag strange trim. OK, so this is only the case for MOST men, not “all” men…There are sissy-bitch men out there who will not complain, but then end up in some Clock Tower with a highh powered rifle some day.
You want to sustain the relationship, keep doing what you were doing before you got the ring…if not, then don’t pick up a 9-iron when your man looks for some strange. Even if/when that strange is your horny-bitch friend! If you’ve given it up, it doesn’t mean he has too, and “F” you for thinking it should!!
My suggestion: Don’t think you are in control unless your man is a wuss….but if that’s the case, why’d you even bother?
And you guys need to realize too: “Heat is a 2-way street”. Pay attention to the “wife” like YOU use to, or risk her bending over the desk of that prick bastage in Sales! I dont need to read the Doc’s “love letters” to know, there are a BUNCH of horny ass women out there, that are NOT getting IT at home! Sad as that sounds, its happening!
Don’t blame Tiger for looking for greener greens!..It might not be his fault. Elin might have cooled, and if she did, what’s a man to do?
Guys!…right now, go find her, and give it to her like she wants the Bachelor (or some other TV shtud) to do it!…Don’t end up like Tiger! — with a wrecked SUV and a nine iron up your butt!
How much for the Hydrant?
Tiger skates, of course. Everyone with LARGE $$ does….and, he probably should. He’s gonna have his hands full for a few months ( But NOT with THIS ). Tiger’s gonna call Kobe, and commission the jeweler that got him out of the hot water. Yeah, if rUFf butt-sex costs a man 4-mil, what does “Down-under-night-putting” cost?
Still, how much do you think that Fire Hydrant will fetch on e-bay?
Q. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? A. Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Q. What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge? A. He can back up his pitching wedge
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. I guess he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
“Eye” of her TIGER!
Was THAT what Elin (Tiger’s wife) was aiming for when she “bum” rushed her man after the Thanksgiving Day meal? Elin and The Tiger have been mostly unavailable to authorities since the mysterious crash outside their shared home, early Friday morning. Reports have the scene looking as if Elin came rushing out of the home, after “hearing” her husband’s vehicle crash shortly after leaving the home.- WHAT, (yeah, me too)?..uh, then she came rushing outside with a golf club,….????..uh, you know, in case a window needs to be busted out…orrrrrr, your cheatin’ bastard husband hasn’t completely paid for his sins yet!???? Anyway, the claim is asking the public to believe that she rushed outside, and noticed that her husband some how wrecked his SUV; — a mere 6 seconds after he fired it up (Did your “bullshit alarm” go off too?). She rushed out to “help” him out thru the back window? She’s HUGE right?….what does Elin go, about 6’2″, somewhere around 230-240lbs?…right? Yeah, certainly she could crawl thru a busted window in the rear of the vehicle, and pull a 33-year old man out through that opening. SURE! SO!..at least THAT part of this mystery is cleared up!
Let’s see what this little incident might look like through the Al Bundy “MWC” glasses, though;
“Al” comes home from being abroad, or more specifically, “down under” at a Shoe Convention! Unbeknownst to “AL”, “Peggy” had received a few thousand text messages a few days earlier asking her why some New York Chippie from “Reebok” had her ”outback” stuck to “AL’s” crotch all weekend at some exclusive hotel. Even the National Enquirer, the “rag to the stars”, mentions it. Well, perhaps ”Peg” just rings it up to “Life with a Shoe celeb” and says “what the hell”…..or, perhaps she doesn’t!?? MAYBE she shits on that couch of hers, pizzed off in her cheap tawdry pumps!…or, “Pizzed in Pumps”, as we’ll call it here….Oh, and Naked too!,– after all, this is MY story, right?….So Eli-, uh, “Peggy” is naked, on the couch, with little more than her hawt red pump (shoes) on, and she’s pizzed! (What?..no pic link here?…hhmm, thought I’d have a pic link for this one,..no?…oh well!) Don’t click HERE,…really, don’t!…OK, sorry, HERE YA GO! That’s more appropriate considering the topic here.
Mid-way through watching the hired help clean up after the Thanksgiving meal, “Peg” and “Al” retire to their “Chamber” to draw into some more comfortable night time attire! ”Al” removes his Nike issued underwear, and out plops a grilled shrimp (a’la ”on the barbie!”) and a bloomin’ onion skinned condom!…”OH SHIT”! ”Peggy” now flips the “F” out! She grabs a Nike 9 iron (they have clubs in that house like one of them makes a living by golfing, they’re EVERYWHERE!!) and she starts to work on correcting her fade! She fades one just below “Al’s” nose, then slices one into (his) Woods! (ha!,..I had to work that in there, sorry!) Bleeding from the mouth, AND running towards the garage with a newly defined gait, “AL” grabs the keys to the only vehicle he can find….no, NOT the Dodge!, the Escalade! Al rev’s the engine, but “Peg” has already consulted her caddy, and now bears down on “Al” with her hybrid club….looking to pitch one from the rUFf stUFf. “Al” is a little slow out of the box, and “Peggy” catches ”back glass” with her (Nike) Slingshot. ITS IN THE HOLE!…ITS IN THE HOLE!…she cries! (OR, if it works better for you, she does a little “HERE’S JOHNNY!” instead). FREAKED OUT, “Al” punches it,…the gas, not Peggy!…He’d never do that! “Him’s LOVES her!….anyway, he “hits the gas” and smokes it out of there, trailing “Peggy” like it were the field at Melbourne! Unfortunately for “Al” the only ‘driving” he’s any good at, it off a tee, so he ends up shanking his Caddy into the tree!. Peg meets up with him shortly after, and continues her assault on the ass end of the car. Banging, and banging and pumping and pumping her slingshot into that tail…..end. “Al” jumps out to stop her, but is again met in the jaw with one of his sponsors “products”. This time, her caddy has handed her the heavy WOOD(s). OUCH!
Luckily for “Al”, Jefferson Darcy has called the Cops!, and in rich neighborhoods they get there pretty quick! “Al” is dazed and confused when the Police arrive. Numerous blows to the head with “Just the right club” can have that effect on a man. That’s why, ladies, it is important to buy your man the right set! Shop now, in time for a good Xmas day massacre! Planning ahead ensures many Holiday memories later!
OK, so The Police get there, they say all the …”How in the F*&K do you crash THAT vehicle into THAT tree, from there; –and NOT be incredibly “F’d”-up?” ‘s. Noting to themselves this is “AL BUNDY” and his hawt blonde wife “PEGGY”!, they decide to play nice and listen to the explanation. Since “Al” has some divots in his head and face, they listen to “Peggy” tell the story. Holding back the laughter, and resisting the urge to ask “You busted out the back window with a golf club?….for WHY??!?!?!!”….Instead, they allow her enUFf time (and rope) to implicate herself. Hey, if the b.tch is gonna hang herself, its only right that you allow her that OPP!
So there you have it, “Married w/Children” on location, in Orlando!….The Bundy’s aren’t talking to anyone about this at the moment…well, aside from a slew of expensive lawyers and maybe a good romance novelist anyway! This will all be explained as soon as the script is completed! It’ll explain all the mystery and wrap it up in some home-spun manner, leaving no stone unturned! Heck, even that tree and foliage that was destroyed will be restored to “better-than-new” status very soon! Besides, he can always just say he was just washing his hands…?
The only mystery left, will be, does little Miss “Down-Under” show up in California this weekend, or does “Peggy” attend this event?