“Eye” of her TIGER!

Posted by UFreak in Random      No comments

Nov
29

Was THAT what Elin (Tiger’s wife) was aiming for when she “bum” rushed her man after the Thanksgiving Day meal? Elin and The Tiger have been mostly unavailable to authorities since the mysterious crash outside their shared home, early Friday morning. Reports have the scene looking as if Elin came rushing out of the home, after “hearing” her husband’s vehicle crash shortly after leaving the home.- WHAT, (yeah, me too)?..uh, then she came rushing outside with a golf club,….????..uh, you know, in case a window needs to be busted out…orrrrrr, your cheatin’ bastard husband hasn’t completely paid for his sins yet!????  Anyway, the claim is asking the public to believe that she rushed outside, and noticed that her husband some how wrecked his SUV; — a mere 6 seconds after he fired it up (Did your “bullshit alarm” go off too?). She rushed out to “help” him out thru the back window? She’s HUGE right?….what does Elin go, about 6’2″, somewhere around 230-240lbs?…right? Yeah, certainly she could crawl thru a busted window in the rear of the vehicle, and pull a 33-year old man out through that opening. SURE! SO!..at least THAT part of this mystery is cleared up!

Let’s see what this little incident might look like through the Al Bundy “MWC” glasses, though;

“Al” comes home from being abroad, or more specifically, “down under” at a Shoe Convention! Unbeknownst to “AL”, “Peggy” had received a few thousand text messages a few days earlier asking her why some New York Chippie from “Reebok” had her ”outback” stuck to “AL’s” crotch all weekend at some exclusive hotel. Even the National Enquirer, the “rag to the stars”, mentions it. Well, perhaps ”Peg” just rings it up to “Life with a Shoe celeb” and says “what the hell”…..or, perhaps she doesn’t!?? MAYBE she shits on that couch of hers, pizzed off in her cheap tawdry pumps!…or, “Pizzed in Pumps”, as we’ll call it here….Oh, and Naked too!,– after all, this is MY story, right?….So Eli-, uh, “Peggy” is naked, on the couch, with little more than her hawt red pump (shoes) on, and she’s pizzed! (What?..no pic link here?…hhmm, thought I’d have a pic link for this one,..no?…oh well!) Don’t click HERE,…really, don’t!…OK, sorry, HERE YA GO! That’s more appropriate considering the topic here.

Mid-way through watching the hired help clean up after the Thanksgiving meal, “Peg” and “Al” retire to their “Chamber” to draw into some more comfortable night time attire! ”Al” removes his Nike issued underwear, and out plops a grilled shrimp (a’la ”on the barbie!”) and a bloomin’ onion skinned condom!…”OH SHIT”! ”Peggy” now flips the “F” out! She grabs a Nike 9 iron (they have clubs in that house like one of them makes a living by golfing, they’re EVERYWHERE!!) and she starts to work on correcting her fade! She fades one just below “Al’s” nose, then slices one into (his) Woods! (ha!,..I had to work that in there, sorry!) Bleeding from the mouth, AND running towards the garage with a newly defined gait, “AL” grabs the keys to the only vehicle he can find….no, NOT the Dodge!, the Escalade! Al rev’s the engine, but “Peg” has already consulted her caddy, and now bears down on “Al” with her hybrid club….looking to pitch one from the rUFf stUFf. “Al” is a little slow out of the box, and “Peggy” catches ”back glass” with her (Nike) Slingshot. ITS IN THE HOLE!…ITS IN THE HOLE!…she cries! (OR, if it works better for you, she does a little “HERE’S JOHNNY!” instead).  FREAKED OUT, “Al” punches it,…the gas, not Peggy!…He’d never do that! “Him’s LOVES her!….anyway, he “hits the gas” and smokes it out of there, trailing “Peggy” like it were the field at Melbourne! Unfortunately for “Al” the only ‘driving” he’s any good at, it off a tee, so he ends up shanking his Caddy into the tree!. Peg meets up with him shortly after, and continues her assault on the ass end of the car. Banging, and banging and pumping and pumping her slingshot into that tail…..end. “Al” jumps out to stop her, but is again met in the jaw with one of his sponsors “products”. This time, her caddy has handed her the heavy WOOD(s). OUCH!

Luckily for “Al”, Jefferson Darcy has called the Cops!, and in rich neighborhoods they get there pretty quick! “Al” is dazed and confused when the Police arrive. Numerous blows to the head with “Just the right club” can have that effect on a man. That’s why, ladies, it is important to buy your man the right set! Shop now, in time for a good Xmas day massacre! Planning ahead ensures many Holiday memories later!

OK, so The Police get there, they say all the …”How in the F*&K do you crash THAT vehicle into THAT tree, from there; –and NOT be incredibly “F’d”-up?” ‘s. Noting to themselves this is “AL BUNDY” and his hawt blonde wife “PEGGY”!, they decide to play nice and listen to the explanation. Since “Al” has some divots in his head and face, they listen to “Peggy” tell the story. Holding back the laughter, and resisting the urge to ask “You busted out the back window with a golf club?….for WHY??!?!?!!”….Instead, they allow her enUFf time (and rope) to implicate herself. Hey, if the b.tch is gonna hang herself, its only right that you allow her that OPP!

So there you have it, “Married w/Children” on location, in Orlando!….The Bundy’s aren’t talking to anyone about this at the moment…well, aside from a slew of expensive lawyers and maybe a good romance novelist anyway! This will all be explained as soon as the script is completed! It’ll explain all the mystery and wrap it up in some home-spun manner, leaving no stone unturned! Heck, even that tree and foliage that was destroyed will be restored to “better-than-new” status very soon! Besides, he can always just say he was just  washing his hands…?

The only mystery left, will be, does little Miss “Down-Under” show up in California this weekend, or does “Peggy” attend this event?