Okay, so…Everyone knows the Dawg loves Christmas.  I mean, who doesn’t like to wake up at 4a.m. just to see what the FatGuy in a red pimp suit left under the dying fire hazard, better known as a Christmas Tree, but I digress..

Prior to Dec. 25th I thought I had it all figured out,  I mean, that is after countless trips back and forth to purgatory (aka the mall).  So I finished all my Christmas Shopping by 4pm Christmas Eve.  And I just knew how happy everyone was going to be with all the gifts I got them.  How I was doing my part, spreading cheer and joy for the holiday season.  And guess what, EVERYONE was happy.  That is, EVERYONE except for ME!

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  “Hey Big Pimp fo’Shizzle, why weren’t you happy?”. 

Well I’m glad you asked!  I wasn’t happy because of the way toy manufacturers have these toys f*ckin’ locked up like Fort Knox!  And you know exactly what I’m talking about! RIGHT?

The kids are all jacked up, can’t wait to play with their new toys, but now they have to wait for daddy to pick the lock to pandora’s box.  Because some jackass at Hasbro thought it would be aesthetically pleasing to weld the arms, head, back, and legs to the box, because it will look better perfectly positioned in the box.  Not realizing that some day, little billy is actually going to want to get the damn thing out and play with it. 

NSFW: (Language)