“ Dear Doc Fatguy,I have a problem and I’m hoping you can lend me some help. I’m rapidly approaching my 30’s and am unmarried (I was married briefly 8 years ago, but that’s another story). My current love interest doesn’t seem to be of the marrying type, though he too was once married.

I have an interest in getting married, for one because all my girlfriends are married and none of them do the single girls night out much anymore.

“Bob”, my “Penis with a Pulse” man has lots of single friends and he’s out ALL the time! Not that I’m envious or anything (much), but it seems that whenever he goes out he comes back to me with this wild sexual charge about him.

The one that gave me concern, and the reason for me seeking your opinion, was this past weekend. He asked me if I’d commit to a 3-way or if I would consider having sex with another guy in front of him. He was drunk when we had this conversation and I haven’t brought it up to him since. This isn’t something I’m comfortable with. Being a guy, you might be just by nature. I’ve already discussed this with a few of my girlfriends and they say he’s just a pervert guy and I should leave him. I am starting to think I’m just wasting my time.

My question for you is NOT about the 3-way, but; Is he just saying this to test me? Is he screwing around on me and just seeing how far I’ll go?…or was he just a rambling drunk speaking out about some secret fantasy? In your opinion.

Thanks

Toni ”

____________________________________________________________

The Doc of Love is here to help baby!  But first lets just enjoy the natural beauty of two chicks kissing.  I mean how freakin’ sensual is that, those chicks are hot as hell and one can only imagine the sweet love they made that night.

Well, from reading your e-mail, I see a lot of problems and I have to be honest, few of them have to do with your man.  In one sentence you say he’s not “The marrying type” (whatever the fuck that is), then you ask if you’re wasting your time.  It sounds to me like you’re the typical chick trying to get your man to be something he’s not.  Either except the fact that he likes hanging & banging you or go find the “Marrying type”.

You’re “approaching” your 30’s and you’re not married, you sound like an insecure mess, and all of your gf’s are married and telling you what’s good for you.  Truth is, those tricks have the same kind of man you do.  The difference is at some point they did something kinky enough to get him to buy a ring.  And who cares if they are all married, if they were all single and you were married would that be an issue?  Rhetorical baby, Doc already knows the answer.

You both have been married before, so what’s the rush to get married again????  Damn, sit back, relax, enjoy life a little.  Soon, you will be approaching 40 and all you’ll be left with is a bunch of “woulda, shoulda, coulda.”  I mean really, would it hurt for you to enjoy the company of another woman?  Hell, you might even like it.  I’m sure the first time you gagged on a FatGuy you weren’t real thrilled about the idea, now you’re probably sucking down Johnson’s like Kobe Tai at a dong eating contest.

Do yourself a favor, indulge in the flavor baby.  Life’s too short.  Make a clam sandwich, take him up on the double stick action.  What’s the worst that could happen, you don’t work out?  Sounds like that’s gonna happen as soon as you find you he’s banging the neighbor anyway.

Enjoy your 40’s alone!

I’m out!

If you want to have your questions addressed, send them to thedoc@fatguysports.com

Dear Doc,

     My boyfriend of 16 months and I have a great relationship. He loves my blowjobs, but he will not kiss me if I have his come in my mouth. It grosses him out. We have talked about this, and he won’t even try. I have no problem if he kisses me after going down on me. I just want him to try. Is there something wrong with asking him to taste himself? I do it all the time and love it.

Sincerely,
Savor the Flavor
____________________________________

Listen, I’m the last person to knock what anyone is doing in the privacy of their own home. And God Bless you for drinking the Holy Water.  In my personal opinion it should be a law and requirement, but if you’re asking me to tell him to sample the nectur, then you’ve lost your entire freakin’ mind.  That’s a judgement call that he has to make.  If it’s a turn on for you or something you really like, maybe there is something you can offer him in return…lol  You’d be surprised what your man will do given the right circumstances!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listen Bitches! I haven’t gotten any Reader E-mails lately and honestly, it’s pissing me off! I know you little homo’s are reading this blog and you have questions. I know some of you losers sit around the house with your future Mrs. Loser and wonder why over the years her ass swells up a little more each year and that in turn poses questions in your mind. Or maybe you’re one of those bums that sill shacks up with your momma and you wonder if that is hurting your dating credentials. Maybe you and your flaming friend were laying in a field, listening to the sounds of Whippoorwills, and laughing and pointing at clouds in the sky and getting turned on when one of them looks like Seacrest, and you want to know if you’re in love. Maybe you’re soft little punk ass is writing a poem for your sweet heart (who is sure to tell you it’s sweet, then laugh at you with her gf’s), and you want The Doc’s opinion on your rhyme-age. Or maybe you banged a chick at your high school reunion and now she won’t leave you alone, and all you were doing was getting that revenge bang for how shitty she treated you in high school and now you can’t get rid of her…………

All of the Above, None of the Above….I don’t care, Just send me your symptoms and The Doc will write the prescription your ass needs! Sure, it might not be what you want! Sure you may get verbally assulted and emotionally raped in my prognosis. But so what, that’s just the way it is. Sometimes you need some straight forward enlightenment. If you want some heart felt bull shit, sign up with Oprah and Dr. Phil and send your bull shit to them. But if you want The Doc’s perspective, then bring it on baby! The Doc will give it to you straight, no holds barred, no sugar coating, and no tissues provided. I’m ya daddy biotch! I tell you what you need to hear, your momma can tell you its gonna be alright!

So, unless you are all yellow-belly, gutless cowards, too damn domesticated by your woman (who as we speak, is flirting with the un-domesticated bad boy at work), and no longer have the balls or spine to step up to the mic and sound off like got a freakin’ pair……Then I expect my e-mail to be flooded with questions from the strong and the weak, the bold and the shy, men and women, old and young, perverted and conservative.

If you’ve got the balls or mammories to roll the dice, send it to thedoc@fatguysports.com

And just remember, when you step into the site – “You got your brothers on the team and you got your
daddy! Who’s yo daddy Gary?….If you want to play on our site, you will tell me who your daddy is?”…”You Doc”.

Bring it!
I’m out!

Yo, Doc,

My girlfriend’s been complaining that my man juice tastes and smells like herring. Now, aside from the obvious question of how the hell is that a bad thing? She has suggested that I make drastic changes to my diet in order to circumvent this “problem”.

She says it’s the least I can do. I say rich people spend millions of dollars buying Ocean front homes in order to enjoy the embracing smell of the sea!

Which of us is correct?

Sincerely

-Sea Salt

Fruits like kiwi, watermelon, celery, and pineapple are all said to make semen taste lighter. Beer and coffee are believed to have something of an opposite effect, and could leave her with a bitter taste. Alkaline-based foods like meat and fish produce a buttery taste, while acidic fruits (cranberries, blueberries and plums) produce a pleasant, sugary flavor. Most liqueurs will do the same, while dairy products can make for a foul taste because of their high bacterial putrefaction levels.

Read the whole story here at Ask Men!

Dude, I need to pimp slap the stupid out of your head! 

YOUR GIRL IS RIGHT! 

You need to stop reading this post immediatly, go to google.com and search for ways to get your chum to taste more like a strawberry dacqueri.  If you’re girl enjoys tube steak, the least you can do is make sure the juice is fresh! 

Right now, your girl is being a trooper, she’s going into battle knowing that the trenches are dirty and the water is muddy, but she’s still fighting that battle.  It’s time for you to change from a raunchy battle field to a luxury suite!

Your girl will enjoy her stay much more, she will stay much longer, and she will be oh so appreciative! 

Doc Rule # 1- Make sure she enjoys it, and you will reap the benefits!

Dear TheDoc,

    I have this friend, his name will be “Billy.”  He needs a little help.  Billy recently got out of a serious relationship and is not currently looking to get into another one.  He wants to run free and sew some wild oats. In his pursuit of wild oat sewing, a situation presented itself with a single friend. Billy and this girl messed around a bit.  The aftermath of the semi-hook up has become disastrous.  She has now become a stage-5 clinger.  Texting, calling, and what not.  She is not into friends with benefits as previously thought. In our social circle these two have to see each other and hang out quite a bit. It is now getting awkward for the rest of us.  Billy has told her that he is not interested in anything romantic. Honesty hasn’t seemed to work on this situation. I need your help in alternate (and tactful) ways to get rid of a stage-5 clinger.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  Thanks.

A-Friend-of-Billy

__________________________________________________________________________

I’ve got to be honest, I’ve been struggling with this all night.  I’ve tried to be tactful, but it’s just not in me.  I mean who are we kidding here?  If it’s a tight circle of friends, then this chick had to have known his situation, and he had to have known what a mental case she is. 

Words of wisdom Billy, “You have to pass on the ass, if she want’s it to last.”

In her defense, I’m sure Billy’s honesty came, after he did!  He should’ve laid down the law prior to laying pipe. 

Two Rules for FWB:

1. NOBODY Knows!  That means even the circle.  What you do is your business and nobody elses.

2. It must be clearly understood by both parties PRIOR to the emancipation ejaculation!

You have 2 options here Billy Boy!

First, you can try to stay the course, be honest, be friendly but not boy-friendly!  Use reverse psychology on her, make her think it’s her choice not to be with you.  Massage her mind, not her heart and you will be able to control the outcome.

Second, you just keep banging the bitch!  Lets be real, you’ve already told her you’re not interested in a relationship, you’ve tried to go the honest route, you’ve tried to take the high road, but don’t be such a quitter already.  You set out to sew some wild oats.  So sew them!  Just make it all about sex.  Listen, don’t let this chick fool ya.  She wants the bone, so give it to her.  She just doesn’t want the circle of friends to think she’s a slut – Tell her to read RULE #1.  Everytime she tries to be romantic or talk about feelings, just change the subject.  Eventually she’ll take the hint.  And if she can’t take a hint, she can keep taking the dick.

If she sends a text message saying what are you doing, just say you were thinking about a bloge! If she says what are you having for dinner, say a taco with no lettuce.  

I mean put the shoe on the other foot, do you think she’d be tactful and let you down easy?  Hell no!  She just wouldn’t answer your calls.  She’d run your name through the mud with the circle of friends. So…Dog her ass!  Teach this bitch a lesson.  You can’t worry about what other people are going to say or think about you.  Nobody cares that you tried to be a gentleman about it, all they know is that in the end she will be crying and the circle will suffer for it.   At least you can say you were honest about it.  And while the women in the group won’t like you for it, the fella’s will understand, and more likely laugh and give you their 2 cents on the issue. 

Unless this chick starts to listen, the circle of friends will be divided forever.  Friend of Billy, if you really want to save the circle, then you need to step in.  Somebody outside of him has to explain things to her.

In the meantime Billy, grab that big glass of Jack and Coke, light that big Cuban Stogie and tell her, “Do the damn thing!”

Dear Doc Dawg,

-Albert

Good Question Slim Albert! One that most certainly deserves some attention.

And I guess the answer is, which Lindsay HO are we talking about? If you’re talking about the one pictured above, or the one that you posted in the message board (Click HERE to See)
__________________________________________________________________

Dude, if it’s the one above it’s a no brainer, you bang that bitch like it’s going out of style. In this picture, she looks healthy, she looks sexy, and here breast’eses look very nice.

If it’s the one in the other pic, it’s a “closing time” decision.  She looks like a reject ’70’s fluffer strung out on heroin.  And you know the only time you bang chicks like that is at closing time.  You know, after you’ve been at the club all night, bumping and grinding with honey’s, and now it’s 2a.m. and you go from being tipsy to realizing you’re probably going home alone.  Then as you’re heading to the door, you spot this cracked out looking Lindsay HO and suddenly your mind is computing variables like a NASA MainFrame computer. Like, does anyone here recognize me and would they see me leave with her? when’s the last time I had some? when’s the next time I’m going out? Wonder if she’ll just blow me in the car? (insert your variables here)

Ultimately, you wanted to know if she’s too skinny or doable.  In the pic you posted, she’s just too cracked out for me.  Personally I like my chicks to have a little meat on them.  In the pic above, she has just enough meat on her where you can have some fun with her.  Any smaller than that and all you’re playing with is a butt bone and a bird cage.

So to everyone going out tonight.  Remember, if you find yourself needing someone at closing time and thinking about grabbing that last “punching bag” at the end of the bar, just remember:  One night stands are fun, but AIDS lasts forever!  

Let that thought hit you when the booze where’s off!

Sincerely,

The Doc!

PS – Food is for “Dateable”, not “Doable” chicks.

So in this case,  is she needs more than a FatGuy Splatter, bitch better grab a McD’s breakfast value meal on her way home in the morning! Ya feel me?