….THE LIST

I got to tell ya, I’m not a movie person too much. Particularly when it comes to GOING to a Movie Gooleplex!..Of the top ten movies listed there, there’s 3-4 there I ain’t even heard of!….and, only two movies I’d go see even if it were free and they threw in a free limo ride to and from!. Even then, I probably wouldn’t go to both!. Going to the movies was always something you did with your girlfriend to kill time “before”, back in the day. I really don’t see the advantage in going to a movie theatre anymore. When they had those “Cinema-n-brews”, or “Pitcher-n-Pitchers’” places, where you ate and drank like you we’re humans….– at REAL tables, it was a different story. You didn’t have that crap ass row seating which, unbelievable as it may seem, SUCKS for watching a movie! How it is NO one has improved on that arrangement is amazing, but then again; many of you are still flocking there, so..???

If you just stop going to movies, then start seeing them later after they are on Cable, its kinda the like the same viewing effect -NEW!! Of course, you can’t go to work the next day and bore the HAIL out of everyone by talking about it right away, so there is a down side!….BUT, you don’t have to sit in a theatre seat that’s had its share of “abuse” spunked all over it 30 or 40 thousand times, buy .30 (cents) worth of soda for 3000 times its value, and sit in a darkened room with teenagers looking for love, or, that ever present jackass who’s already SEEN the release and feels compelled to yell out what’s coming next like he’s Morgan Freeman narrating (yet another) the movie! As if it takes some special talent to ALREADY see a movie…???

None of this is shocking news, yet still, 720million $$ in 12 weeks for Avatar? (60 million a week??)…A movie about some fake ass Blue race of humanoid tree people?. Then, of course, they cleverly mix in that some overly aggressive “White guy” (or guys) want to “STEAL” your land, or tree or whatever it is?, and go about it all aggressive-y and forceful. Typical “white guy” bashing that is still, somehow, popular for some wildly odd reason; — the drones still eat it up like its “fresh” copy. STICK TO WHAT WORKS JIMMY!!!

OK, so I still dislike James Cameron because I FOOLISHLY and embarrassingly went TO the movie theatre and watched,…yes,….Titanic! GAWD do I hate admitting to that! It was the woman’s idea of course, but still, how awful was that flick?! Yeah, I know it won some awards or something like that, for mostly ALL the reasons I don’t go to see movies for, anymore. Still, I felt myself getting dumber as I sat there and boiled over the flUFf ass crap I was being fed. Thankfully it was only about 6 hours long, so eventually I got to leave. At home, and after I funneled paint thinner through my eyes, I told the woman never again will we go to another movie. –…and we haven’t. I’ve taken the kids to some, but even then, the memory of Titanic still haunts every theatre in the country. If they closed ‘em all down, I’d never know or care! Thanks Jimbo!

Of those top ten movies, Cop Out would be the only one I’d see, if I had to go to the movies. Shutter Island?…well, DiCap was the “featured” douche-bag in Titanic, and I have a hard time excusing him for that role, but he has done some movies since that kinda deflect a little. Plus ha was trawling that chick with the name Bar….and THAT’s pretty impressive, so….maybe I’ll see that one after its run the theatre circuit.

Those two “lovey-boy/girl” movies?…Call ‘em Chick-flicks or what have you, but those are pure evil there. Woman GO to these movies and think this is how real life should be…..well, most woman anyway. Then, because they can never FIND a guy THAT douchey in real life, they are reserved to settle for a dude more like Seth Rogan “acts”. Not that I’m championing this guy, just his abusive niche-type of care-free male model. Women think everyone is a douchey feelings-matter kind of guy, and the ones that “hit-their-spot” so well, generally, just aren’t! So, they want animals to make ’em scream, but douche-bags at the holidays!???? Its just not possible! Yet here we are, 80 years into movies, and woman still fall for the same sh!t.

The other movie I’ve heard of on that list is, Brooklyn’s Finest; REALLY!?!?. Surprise, surprise, another Good-Cop-bad-Cop movie with a Black-guy-drug-dealer/savior-to-the-under-class, guy in it!…I wonder if they’ll re-use “THE CARTER”??? This is, what,  the 40-ith version now of this exact same message? Yeah, and I think 4 of the players IN this version, worked together at some point with each other on those earlier Hollywood RE-makes! OK I get the message, ALL “good” cops are the young Rookie types, and all the white vets are on the take! The Black actors are all into hip-hop and drug distribution, but they don’t want anyone in the real world to relate the two after they leave the movie; –yet we get re-make after re-make???. They glorify the life of extreme expenses and the excess lifestyles and drugs, but no one wants that to be their profile! THERE ARE FORCES, however, who do want you to believe that ALL Police are bad and corrupt, for some reason! Thankfully we have a lean ratio of 1 lawyer for every 60 NON-lawyer persons in this country!, yeah, they’ll help us sue anyone who has $$ and makes any kind of mistake at all! (oops, another tangent!)

In closing, don’t go see any of these movies!…that way they’ll release them from the theatres sooner! In the case of the “chick flick”s or “Brooklyn’s Finest”, just go (re)watch the 1000’s of previously produced films out there! It’ll help bridge the time it takes these “newer” versions to get on dvd!

Talk about a serious case of: “When keeping it REAL goes wrong”!  This dude got his grill split open because he just had to prove what a badass he was.  You know the old man is sitting at a table right now, sharing this story with his buddies while playing a game of Bridge and saying shit like..”Yo Homie, tell me how ass tastes!”

Not only did he get beat down by Hulk Hogans uncle, but his bitch is video taping the whole thing.  At the end, she’s even lauging at his ass.  She told him he “was leaking”!  Ummm, Grandpa just busted his mouth and broke the whole damn sink, that’s why his ass is draining blood like a busted water line.  The only thing that would’ve made this video better is if he would’ve walked back an pimp slapped his bitch for gettin’ all this shit started!

But by far, the best part is at the 2:16 minute mark…when the old man is walking away and the dude mumbles under his breath, “next time, I’m gonna fuck you up”…Whatever Bruce Leroy, you had your chance, you fucked with an old man that you thought you could take down and you got your ass handed to you, IN FRONT OF YOUR BITCH!…Suck it up and move on.  And next time someone walks away, let him!  Because now the whole world will know you as the punk bitch sitting at the back of the bus, talking bout…”I need a Bambalance”!

People keep asking me, “Doc, what do you think about the Tiger situation?” , “Doc, did you listen to the speech?”  and I can say is this….

I don’t give a fuck about what he did!  I don’t care about his speech!  And I don’t care if his woman stays by his side or not!  I don’t care how many chicks he was banging or in how many cities!  All I care about is watching the man play golf!

Lets be real here!  Most of the analysts, experts, people on the board at these marketing companies, any body and everybody that is giving there opinion has cheated or done something wrong in their life.  I’m tired of listening to these hypocrites put the man down, over analyze his every word, and second guess if his model wife is gonna stick around.

I can’t condemn the man for pulling out the driver on every hole.  It just proves he’s human.  He’s one of the most recognizable people on the planet.  I heard a comedian describe it best, “A man is only as faithful as his options.  He can stop chasing the poo-nanny, but if the poo-nanny is chasing him —-He can’t run fast enough!”……..Is it funny, YES.  Is it true, ABSOLUTELY!

Think about it fellas, if a chick walked up to your sorry ass right now and said, “Drop your pants, I’m dying to blow you”, you wouldn’t know how to act.  The first thought in your head would be, “WTF, is this a game show?”.  Second thing you would do is look around and see if anybody knows you.  Third thing you would do…..you would say “Let the facial begin”!

In Closing…Don’t hate the man for being a man!  And ladies, when you marry a high profile person such as this, you might as well accept that he’s going to cheat on you.  Afterall, you only married him for the money anyway, so what do you care if he bangs a chick or 200 on the side?

Ancient Chinese Proverb says:  “Man who live in glass house, should change clothes in basement”……..Think about it!

This has been another enlightening message from The Doc!
Peace!
I’m out Bitches!

This clip is only 18 seconds long, but it’s the funniest shit you will ever see!

I love how he  plants his mug in the dirt, then tries to get up and continue his routine as if nobody saw it.

So, you’re probably wondering if the Day is gonna PAY OFF for you…..well, you should! Look at your ass! You can’t EVEN be sure!. So, I found this VDay Chart to help you KNOW! Don’t thank me, its all in the chart!

 The Chart never fails…..it worked for me when I was with….

Well, they made another one, just for you!

Go figure, apparently SOME people are uptight!?!?.. People in this country can get freaked out about some one else’s opinion or views?..WOW! -Who’d have thunk it?

CLICK HERE!

So, in case you haven’t heard, we had a snow storm ”blow” through our little slice of heaven last night. Reports have it recorded as 4-6 inches, but I think we got more here at Casa de’UFreak. I could be wrong I guess, after all you should see what I tell my wife 8″ is! Still, it was a lot, and it was spirit-crushingly weighted by a nice 2 inch base of slush and ice. Oh, and I’m responsible for ALL the snow shoveling at my hovel!

Morning comes early when you chase bourbon with better bourbon. Add to that; when you get a dump of snow like today the kids naturally assume “snow” = “playtime”! So, its Aleve and toast for breakfast, followed by a half gallon of Seattle’s Best. “I’m UP!”

Knowing there are snow forts and snowperson (we are politically correct here) building in my future, I develop a thrifty plan to “Work-smarter-not-harder”, to clear my driveway. My next door neighbor and I have an understanding; He buys a snow blower and I dont bitch about the noise it makes! Its a great arrangement, and it saves me a bunch of time and a LOT of Aleve! MOST TIMES, anyway!

Whenever it snows more than a few inches, my neighbor “blows his snow” then I blow mine….or, whatever its called when you use that modified pressure washer. He’s real good about it, and it works out great for me! Only today there’s a problem; -He’s GONE! Yeah, he’s out of town sitting by a pool collecting little paper umbrella’s in a hotel ashtray! Some nerve! -So, I hatch me a plan! I’m gonna go Jimmy open his basement window and get into his garage to take my rightful turn with “Little Boy Blew”! On my way to his backyard, I notice the neighbor on the OTHER side has already beaten me to the mark, and HE’S now working on that same weak excuse for a window! “THAT BASTARD!”…..His driveway is shorter than mine! So, knowing how I hate to wait, I decide to make Mr Eager-Beaver PAY for his unjust act. YUP!, I call the Police and report a break-in! Oh yeah, and with the Cop Shop only a 1/2 mile away, it shouldn’t take too long for justice to be served!

Right on time, Johnny-Law pulls in as Mr Greedy-pants is in the garage rooting for the gas can! I cannot hold back my laughter as, guns drawn, Crockett and Tubbs make their way down the driveway expecting the worst. BUST-ED!

In a bit of serendipity, Mrs “Greedy-Pants” took MR GP’s car to work this morning, and therefore, leaving HIM w/o an ID! Blah-blah-blah, a few minutes later he and Colerain’s finest are over at his house trying to hash out the particulars! I sneak around the deck, and pull the golden snow-blower out of the now open garage and head back home!

I got about 3 quarters done, when there’s a tap on my shoulder! Totally expecting this for the past 20 minutes I turn around and explode with laughter! There’s Mr Greedy-Pants, and he’s NOT seeing the funny side to this yet!

We’ve been neighbors for a while so this wasn’t a total surprise to him, and after a few “No, but wait“…and, “You should have seen them creeping down the driveway“s later, and all was good again….Well, I dont think we’re playing cards tonight, but he’s not going to press charges. Hell, he’s from the Hills of Kentucky – he’s use to stUFf like this.

Bottom line, I got my driveway cleared and logged in a full hour of “daddy” time with the kids.  ALL in plenty of time to make it to the kids first soccer game! My neighbor? He got the poor-man’s version of a “stress test”, and got to use a day off he probably didn’t expect he’d need. I’m betting he spends the new-found off day drunk! Just like he did when he came back from vacation last year, and found all his furniture had been moved to different rooms!

 I bet he never sells that place!

I went to the “Home” today with the kids, to take back a furnace filter that was Mis-bought by a member of my family’s purchasing team, who is NOT me!…anyway, whilst I was waiting in line behind 4377 other returnees, I noticed this dude in front of us with toilet bowl cleaner….ONE BOTTLE! I’m thinking, what the HELL is this guy doing in the return items line?…..He’s not REALLY looking to return toilet bowl cleaner, is he?…..Well, uh, yeah he was!

One bottle of toilet bowl cleaner is, what, four bucks?…and maybe some change? Well, he’s returning it and trying to get a cash refund. Only problem, the crack staff at HD have this little angle figured out! Well, to a point anyway. Dude HAD a receipt, but it was a receipt with about 30 items on it. Among them, this toilet bowl cleaner. The lady at the return desk said she’d return the amount to the credit card it was charged against. The dude, who looked like Santa Clause’ goofy brother, flipped out. He wanted cash!…She stood firm, saying the amount had to be returned to the card it was credited against. Then he actually said, “Then credit it back to this card”, and handed her a Visa. She went on to explain what he of course already knew, that the card he was handing her was NOT the card the ONE BOTTLE of toilet bowl cleaner was charged from!..THEN!…HE SAID! “But this is the only card I have!, What other card would I have charged it on?”…I’m laughing, and using this waste of my time as a lesson to the kids…”THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GET HOOK ON METH, KIDS!”…

The lady persisted, Santa’s brother did too….and this point I was gonna give him the $4.53 he wanted just to get moving, but my interest in this return was too great. She told him again, this is not the card, he replied its his only credit card. She won (if you can declare a winner here, that is…) She’d HAVE to return the amount to the card on the receipt…..or!….OR?…yeah, “OR” he could have a store credit for the amount instead! LEARNING OPP #2. I told my kids,…”See?, this why you want to finish High school, kids”?…Then the HD Lady asks to see his ID, to, you know, complete the transaction…Dude “Cop”-flips open his wallet to show her his Driver’s License, and out pops his ID and at least 10 credit cards as well! I start laughing out loud.

Lets see,….Dude drives to Home Depot,…with, perhaps, toilet bowl cleaner “some one” bought with “some” kind of credit card. Its value?…maybe $4.50! So, either this dude is looking for a “Drive-n-Ride” 40 (ounce’r) and a Slim Jim, or he REALLY doesn’t think he will EVER need toilet Bowl cleaner, EVER again! Really, how do you mis-buy ONE bottle of toilet bowl cleaner?, and if you do, don’t you think, “Well, I’m certainly NOT gonna stop crapping any time soon, so maybe I just keep this here “extra” one, under my sink!”…No, this thrifty Santa wanna-be drives (presumably) back to freakin’ Home Depot, without the proper Credit Card, to return the ONE bottle “he” mis-bought!???? Good GAWD! That or an alternative thought, that he’s cheating a neighbor out of a clean “turlit” to feed one of his many sad addictions!…???

After “Bro-of-Santa” left to spend his $4.50 on a hand full of those cool rectangular pencils with no eraser on ‘em, I had a little chat with “Mamma Return”. Seems “Son-of-Santa” is a regular at the return line, and in her words “of questionable character”! I asked her if she thought he’d just pick something out, get a new receipt and come back to see her latter? She just laughed. I cried. Oh, and my return?..It went just fine…I was also able to get two of the RIGHT sized filters, and get on my way. For kicks, I was gonna stop by the Sip-n-suds right around the corner, to se if old Kris Kringle was there wetting his whistle, but I had to get the kids home so they could finish that homework!

If the children are our future, then we’re screwed!

Today is a classic example of how soft society has become in the way we handle our kids.  Local meteorologists predict 2-5″ of snow and immediately schools are closing! 

For everyone that lives in the tri-state area with kids, you were checking the news last night and seeing schools  on 2hr delays, some schools were already closed and the first freaking snowflake hadn’t even fallen yet!

Here I sit, 8:20 a.m. and my kids are in the living room watching cartoons and eating pop tarts instead of being at school.  I live on the “west-side’ish” part of the Nati, I just looked out the window and I still dont’ see snow falling!  But I can promise you one thing, later on today if we do get all that snow, my two young’ns will be outside shoveling the drive way off!  They will wish they were in school, because The Doc don’t play that baby!  I’m not raising a couple weak punkass kids!

For anyone in the 25-50yr old range, did you ever get a school day off for snow, prior to any snow?????  ME EITHER!!!!

Hell, there could be a foot of snow on the ground and we still had to go!  There was none of this baby-fied shit going on!  How are you supposed to prepare these kids for the real world, the CRUEL real world, if all we do is keep them under the umbrella of protection until they are 25?????

Call me “Old School”, but if you don’t have a degree from the school of Hard Knocks, then you still have a lot of learning to do!

If you want to know what our future is going to be like.  If you want to know who is going to be looking out for our best interest in 20-40yrs, then you have to watch this YouTube clip.  This is what happens when you treat a kid like they are 2yrs old all the way through their teen years!  Somebody needs to whoop his ass!  He is losing his mind because his mom cancelled his “world of warcraft” account!

Seriously….I can’t help but laugh, because you would have to call in Child Services on me if my kid acted like that, especially at that age!  I would lose my Mutha F*ng mind!  We have a nation of spoiled brats that are going to be running the country in 20-30yrs, and how do we prepare them?  We give the day off school before the first snowflake falls!  And that’s just a microcosm of what society is doing to these kids!  We’re not helping them, we’re crippling them!

My kids have a saying, “You get what you get, and don’t throw a fit”…….because they know if they act like they don’t appreciate something, or disrespect something, or throw a crazy fit………that I will strip down their room and they will have nothing but a bed to lay on for a few days! 

Don’t get me wrong, I know kids will be kids, etc etc…and that’s all good and you have to let them grow.  HOWEVER, if they start getting too far out of line, it’s time lay down the law!  If you don’t have the balls to do that, then you don’t need to be a parent!

As for the parents of this lil punkass kid in this video……..somebody needs to take the dad outside and pimp slap his ass for letting his seed grow up like this.

This has been another enlightening message from The Doc!
Peace!
I’m out Biotches!

……You saw your friends wife on a dating site, presenting herself as a single woman??????

First the facts:
He’s really not a friend, just a guy I know
His wife is really hot
and…well, what else matters..lol

Here’s the thing…When I saw her, I wasn’t really sure it was her.  I couldn’t tell from the pictures.  So I sent her a message, which led to some texting and phone conversation.  But I still wasn’t sure.

I mean, it looked like her and sounded like her.  Even her phone number was eerily similar.  But I wasn’t convinced yet.  I mean, you can’t get over on The Doc that easy baby.  So, we arranged to meet!

So we met at a local sports bar.  Now at first, when she was walking up, I thought she looked really familiar but then she said “Hey Doc, long time no see, how have you been?”….and in my head I”m thinking, “yeah yeah yeah, nice try baby, but I’m still not convinced”.

So I just played along, making small talk, etc etc.  But remember, at this point I’m not even thinking about if I should tell him or not. I’m still trying to be 100% positive that it’s her.  After a few drinks and friendly conversation, we decided to go to a club, have a few more drinks and do a little dirty dancing.

We had to go right?  I mean out of respect for this guy I barely know and to be thorough in trying to identify her, it was an important step in the process.  I didn’t want to just jump the gun you know.

After a couple of hours of watching her bounce and gyrate, and slamming shots of Jack daniels like my life depended on it, wouldn’t you know my decision making process wasn’t real sharp and i decided to stop thinking about it and just have fun.

The next morning when she left, she looked at me in a way that felt familiar, like I knew her from somewhere..but I still wasn’t sure.  Well, we’ve been seeing each other for a few months and I’m still not sure.   We’re going out this weekend and I’m really thinking about just asking her, but I probably won’t…lol

It’s getting to the point where I feel like I should probably be starting to feel a little guilty if it is her, but I”m not there yet, and why ruin a GREAT thing???????

But what would you do?  I’m a little jaded, someone point me in the right direction  

Tiger skates, of course. Everyone with LARGE $$ does….and, he probably should. He’s gonna have his hands full for a few months ( But NOT with THIS ). Tiger’s gonna call Kobe, and commission the jeweler that got him out of the hot water. Yeah, if rUFf butt-sex costs a man 4-mil, what does “Down-under-night-putting” cost?

Still, how much do you think that Fire Hydrant will fetch on e-bay?

Q. What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?   A. Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Q. What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge?   A. He can back up his pitching wedge

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. I guess he couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Was THAT what Elin (Tiger’s wife) was aiming for when she “bum” rushed her man after the Thanksgiving Day meal? Elin and The Tiger have been mostly unavailable to authorities since the mysterious crash outside their shared home, early Friday morning. Reports have the scene looking as if Elin came rushing out of the home, after “hearing” her husband’s vehicle crash shortly after leaving the home.- WHAT, (yeah, me too)?..uh, then she came rushing outside with a golf club,….????..uh, you know, in case a window needs to be busted out…orrrrrr, your cheatin’ bastard husband hasn’t completely paid for his sins yet!????  Anyway, the claim is asking the public to believe that she rushed outside, and noticed that her husband some how wrecked his SUV; — a mere 6 seconds after he fired it up (Did your “bullshit alarm” go off too?). She rushed out to “help” him out thru the back window? She’s HUGE right?….what does Elin go, about 6′2″, somewhere around 230-240lbs?…right? Yeah, certainly she could crawl thru a busted window in the rear of the vehicle, and pull a 33-year old man out through that opening. SURE! SO!..at least THAT part of this mystery is cleared up!

Let’s see what this little incident might look like through the Al Bundy “MWC” glasses, though;

“Al” comes home from being abroad, or more specifically, “down under” at a Shoe Convention! Unbeknownst to “AL”, “Peggy” had received a few thousand text messages a few days earlier asking her why some New York Chippie from “Reebok” had her ”outback” stuck to “AL’s” crotch all weekend at some exclusive hotel. Even the National Enquirer, the “rag to the stars”, mentions it. Well, perhaps ”Peg” just rings it up to “Life with a Shoe celeb” and says “what the hell”…..or, perhaps she doesn’t!?? MAYBE she shits on that couch of hers, pizzed off in her cheap tawdry pumps!…or, “Pizzed in Pumps”, as we’ll call it here….Oh, and Naked too!,– after all, this is MY story, right?….So Eli-, uh, “Peggy” is naked, on the couch, with little more than her hawt red pump (shoes) on, and she’s pizzed! (What?..no pic link here?…hhmm, thought I’d have a pic link for this one,..no?…oh well!) Don’t click HERE,…really, don’t!…OK, sorry, HERE YA GO! That’s more appropriate considering the topic here.

Mid-way through watching the hired help clean up after the Thanksgiving meal, “Peg” and “Al” retire to their “Chamber” to draw into some more comfortable night time attire! ”Al” removes his Nike issued underwear, and out plops a grilled shrimp (a’la ”on the barbie!”) and a bloomin’ onion skinned condom!…”OH SHIT”! ”Peggy” now flips the “F” out! She grabs a Nike 9 iron (they have clubs in that house like one of them makes a living by golfing, they’re EVERYWHERE!!) and she starts to work on correcting her fade! She fades one just below “Al’s” nose, then slices one into (his) Woods! (ha!,..I had to work that in there, sorry!) Bleeding from the mouth, AND running towards the garage with a newly defined gait, “AL” grabs the keys to the only vehicle he can find….no, NOT the Dodge!, the Escalade! Al rev’s the engine, but “Peg” has already consulted her caddy, and now bears down on “Al” with her hybrid club….looking to pitch one from the rUFf stUFf. “Al” is a little slow out of the box, and “Peggy” catches ”back glass” with her (Nike) Slingshot. ITS IN THE HOLE!…ITS IN THE HOLE!…she cries! (OR, if it works better for you, she does a little “HERE’S JOHNNY!” instead).  FREAKED OUT, “Al” punches it,…the gas, not Peggy!…He’d never do that! “Him’s LOVES her!….anyway, he “hits the gas” and smokes it out of there, trailing “Peggy” like it were the field at Melbourne! Unfortunately for “Al” the only ‘driving” he’s any good at, it off a tee, so he ends up shanking his Caddy into the tree!. Peg meets up with him shortly after, and continues her assault on the ass end of the car. Banging, and banging and pumping and pumping her slingshot into that tail…..end. “Al” jumps out to stop her, but is again met in the jaw with one of his sponsors “products”. This time, her caddy has handed her the heavy WOOD(s). OUCH!

Luckily for “Al”, Jefferson Darcy has called the Cops!, and in rich neighborhoods they get there pretty quick! “Al” is dazed and confused when the Police arrive. Numerous blows to the head with “Just the right club” can have that effect on a man. That’s why, ladies, it is important to buy your man the right set! Shop now, in time for a good Xmas day massacre! Planning ahead ensures many Holiday memories later!

OK, so The Police get there, they say all the …”How in the F*&K do you crash THAT vehicle into THAT tree, from there; –and NOT be incredibly “F’d”-up?” ’s. Noting to themselves this is “AL BUNDY” and his hawt blonde wife “PEGGY”!, they decide to play nice and listen to the explanation. Since “Al” has some divots in his head and face, they listen to “Peggy” tell the story. Holding back the laughter, and resisting the urge to ask “You busted out the back window with a golf club?….for WHY??!?!?!!”….Instead, they allow her enUFf time (and rope) to implicate herself. Hey, if the b.tch is gonna hang herself, its only right that you allow her that OPP!

So there you have it, “Married w/Children” on location, in Orlando!….The Bundy’s aren’t talking to anyone about this at the moment…well, aside from a slew of expensive lawyers and maybe a good romance novelist anyway! This will all be explained as soon as the script is completed! It’ll explain all the mystery and wrap it up in some home-spun manner, leaving no stone unturned! Heck, even that tree and foliage that was destroyed will be restored to “better-than-new” status very soon! Besides, he can always just say he was just  washing his hands…?

The only mystery left, will be, does little Miss “Down-Under” show up in California this weekend, or does “Peggy” attend this event?

Jimmy-Jimmy Clausen will decide in the next few days, whether or not to forgo his Senior season at Notre Dame, and go Pro. He has that choice! He has the choice, but what is it based on?….Horrible career record?, ZERO big wins?,….bringing his team back against far inferior competition? Failing on his promises? Or maybe, getting his ass bitch-slapped by a fan in his own town?….Wait, maybe its Losing 2 of his last 3 against a team The Irish had beat 43 straight times before he got on campuss?…Possibly it was losing twice (back-to-back) AT home, on Senior Day? All that means GREAT PRO in my book (note sarcasm)!

Really, where is the substance here?….This kid’s mother agreed to swallow a QB Coach 8 weeks into her pregnancy so that “Jimmy” could be trained as a fetus!…I’m not kidding! This kid’s had opportunity other kids, who out-play him every day, never knew existed! Yet this “Super Star” has won absolutely SH.T in College! OK, let’s qualify that a bit, he’s done well for an average QB playing in a non-BCS conference who goes through his career with little to no mention. Compared to big time recruits, playing at what is suppose to be a “big-time” program?….He’s done less than nothing!. Hell, even UC-Davis picks up a memorable win now and again. How is it “Jimmy”-boy made it 3 years at Notre Dame, and never ONCE beat anyone of merit?(OK, so there were only a few opportunities due to the easy schedule, still…) You can only blame the defense for so much of a pathetic game against Navy, where they scored NOTHING until the final minutes. Or Syracuse, AT HOME, on Senior day when Jimmy’s offense scored a whopping 23 points against a team that gave up 42 to Akron that year! 23 points, btw, was the 3rd lowest points total given up by Syracuse ALL year!, in 2008. Yeah, they went 3-9 (including the Irish win) and were destroyed by everyone!! OK, so you’re going to say “Jimmy was just a Sophomore then….well yeah, a 21 year old Sophomore!

Yet, Jimmy has had NONE of those type games in HIS career! None! He didn’t even win 1/2 the games he was suppose to, much less direct even ONE “big” win!

As the younger brother of two former Division I quarterbacks—Casey and Rick Clausen, who both played at Tennessee—Jimmy Clausen gained media attention very early. Beginning in eighth grade, his parents paid his tutelage under professional quarterbacks coach Steve Clarkson. During his junior season, a Sports Illustrated feature dubbed him “The Kid with The Golden Arm”. Recruiting analysts considered him a “once in a decade” quarterback talent and ranked him as the #1 overall prospect of the 2007 high school class. Because of his quick release, some in the media compared him to Joe Namath.

Critics have questioned whether Clausen’s success in high school was largely a product of his team—containing almost a dozen players that went on to play for NCAA Division I Bowl Subdivision teams, including a highly-ranked running back, Marc Tyler—and the inferior talent level of its opponents. Many of these critics pointed to the 2007 U.S. Army All-American Bowlin which Clausen was outplayed by fellow 2007 quarterback recruit, Ryan Mallett. Further, Clausen’s age is a subject of criticism: he started kindergarten at six and repeated sixth grade, thus he was 19 years old at the time of his “early” graduation.

On April 22, 2006, Clausen verbally committed to the University of Notre Dame. He was the most highly touted recruit for the Fighting Irish since the arrival of Ron Powlus in 1993. Clausen announced his oral commitment at the College Football Hall of Fame in South Bend, Indiana, after arriving in a stretch Hummer limousine. He also said his goal was to win multiple national titles with the Irish. 

This year, “Jimmy-Jimmy” has logged 23 TD’s to only 4 INT’s, and thrown for 3382 yards. This is, I hope, what his advisers are banking an NFL future on…but again, what’s it mean? His defense “allowed” him to be ON the field a lot, and often in a position where he HAD to hurl the ball,….He played against an absolutely horrible schedule - all three years, and of those teams they played, most were soft defensively! Of the 23 TD’s he’s thrown this year, nearly a third of them (7) came in the first two weeks of this season; –against Nevada (117th worst pass defense) and hapless Michigan (in a game he lost; to a team that finished 5-7 !). He cant even boast that he managed his games well, as fumbles, a throw off a wr’s back, and keys sacks taken have plaugued him as well! Not even having two(2) of the best Wide-Outs the school has seen in 25 years, could ensure a .500 record! This, once again, against a schedule that would have had Idaho State licking their chops in anticipation! “Jimmy and the Fat Man” failed, failed, FAILED! Failed to get the wins deserving of their hype (and Coaches salary), FAILED to get even that one signature win, and failed to finish above .500! (assuming they’ll lose today). Oh, they also failed to return to any “worthy” Bowl Game!  

Yeah, go play another team with a 100-something ranked pass defense in a Bowl game, JIMMY!…pad your stats, so an NFL team picks you. You will fail just like you did given all the advantages you’ve had!….Really, you give Forrest Gump that kind of starting off point, and he’d have beaten Navy all 3 times! Jimmy = Joe Namath…HAHAHAHAHA! …Here’s hoping the dumb ass Cleveland Browns take another Charlie Weis Collegiate ”product”!, and sink their franchise for another 10-12 years!  – Charlie, I hope ND retains you for the life of your fat-ass contract! You give a whole lot of people a LOT to laugh about! Either YOU ruined Jimmy, or Jimmy was never that good,…either way, keep it up Chunky!