Antonio “dont drug test me” Bryant, formerly of the Cowboys, Browns, 49ers and Tampa Bay! (Oh, and he sat out a year whilst “suspended/dismissed”,..that’s a good thing, right???) Will bring his talents and baggage to CINCINNATI!….Having been one who wanted Lav Coles to work out here, this normally wouldn’t be much cause for celebration,…BUT!, considering the alternative!?…Well, its like “Ocho-Cinco de March Madness” all over this town! Terrell Owens isn’t coming in now!!! Yip-freakin-EEE….AND!, stupid ASS Chud Johnson can explain to his new team-mate how they are gonna be life-long buddies now, after having “twit”-endorsed TO like he was a sex starved School boy! Should make for a cozy relationship, huh?!

Bryant comes in with some problems in tow,….then again, this being Bungle country that’s kind of  a requirement here! He also seems to be of the now WAY too popular “I’m-overly-entitled-because-I-play-Football-and-I-am-a-wideReceiver” crowd, that our own Chud Johnson (and TO) is a chapter President of;…aaannnddd,I can’t imagine Bryant being worth 7million a year, considering he’s only “played” at the “high” level one year;…– but, that’s more an NFL economics question than anything else, I guess. He’s been a smaller scale TO, so, I guess we got the lesser (and younger) of two similar evils. STILL!…whew!…its NOT T.O.!   Fantastic!!! Up next, dump the Chump(Chud). Hey, I can hope, right?

WELCOME TO TOWN, Mr Bryant!

….THE LIST

I got to tell ya, I’m not a movie person too much. Particularly when it comes to GOING to a Movie Gooleplex!..Of the top ten movies listed there, there’s 3-4 there I ain’t even heard of!….and, only two movies I’d go see even if it were free and they threw in a free limo ride to and from!. Even then, I probably wouldn’t go to both!. Going to the movies was always something you did with your girlfriend to kill time “before”, back in the day. I really don’t see the advantage in going to a movie theatre anymore. When they had those “Cinema-n-brews”, or “Pitcher-n-Pitchers’” places, where you ate and drank like you we’re humans….– at REAL tables, it was a different story. You didn’t have that crap ass row seating which, unbelievable as it may seem, SUCKS for watching a movie! How it is NO one has improved on that arrangement is amazing, but then again; many of you are still flocking there, so..???

If you just stop going to movies, then start seeing them later after they are on Cable, its kinda the like the same viewing effect -NEW!! Of course, you can’t go to work the next day and bore the HAIL out of everyone by talking about it right away, so there is a down side!….BUT, you don’t have to sit in a theatre seat that’s had its share of “abuse” spunked all over it 30 or 40 thousand times, buy .30 (cents) worth of soda for 3000 times its value, and sit in a darkened room with teenagers looking for love, or, that ever present jackass who’s already SEEN the release and feels compelled to yell out what’s coming next like he’s Morgan Freeman narrating (yet another) the movie! As if it takes some special talent to ALREADY see a movie…???

None of this is shocking news, yet still, 720million $$ in 12 weeks for Avatar? (60 million a week??)…A movie about some fake ass Blue race of humanoid tree people?. Then, of course, they cleverly mix in that some overly aggressive “White guy” (or guys) want to “STEAL” your land, or tree or whatever it is?, and go about it all aggressive-y and forceful. Typical “white guy” bashing that is still, somehow, popular for some wildly odd reason; — the drones still eat it up like its “fresh” copy. STICK TO WHAT WORKS JIMMY!!!

OK, so I still dislike James Cameron because I FOOLISHLY and embarrassingly went TO the movie theatre and watched,…yes,….Titanic! GAWD do I hate admitting to that! It was the woman’s idea of course, but still, how awful was that flick?! Yeah, I know it won some awards or something like that, for mostly ALL the reasons I don’t go to see movies for, anymore. Still, I felt myself getting dumber as I sat there and boiled over the flUFf ass crap I was being fed. Thankfully it was only about 6 hours long, so eventually I got to leave. At home, and after I funneled paint thinner through my eyes, I told the woman never again will we go to another movie. –…and we haven’t. I’ve taken the kids to some, but even then, the memory of Titanic still haunts every theatre in the country. If they closed ‘em all down, I’d never know or care! Thanks Jimbo!

Of those top ten movies, Cop Out would be the only one I’d see, if I had to go to the movies. Shutter Island?…well, DiCap was the “featured” douche-bag in Titanic, and I have a hard time excusing him for that role, but he has done some movies since that kinda deflect a little. Plus ha was trawling that chick with the name Bar….and THAT’s pretty impressive, so….maybe I’ll see that one after its run the theatre circuit.

Those two “lovey-boy/girl” movies?…Call ‘em Chick-flicks or what have you, but those are pure evil there. Woman GO to these movies and think this is how real life should be…..well, most woman anyway. Then, because they can never FIND a guy THAT douchey in real life, they are reserved to settle for a dude more like Seth Rogan “acts”. Not that I’m championing this guy, just his abusive niche-type of care-free male model. Women think everyone is a douchey feelings-matter kind of guy, and the ones that “hit-their-spot” so well, generally, just aren’t! So, they want animals to make ’em scream, but douche-bags at the holidays!???? Its just not possible! Yet here we are, 80 years into movies, and woman still fall for the same sh!t.

The other movie I’ve heard of on that list is, Brooklyn’s Finest; REALLY!?!?. Surprise, surprise, another Good-Cop-bad-Cop movie with a Black-guy-drug-dealer/savior-to-the-under-class, guy in it!…I wonder if they’ll re-use “THE CARTER”??? This is, what,  the 40-ith version now of this exact same message? Yeah, and I think 4 of the players IN this version, worked together at some point with each other on those earlier Hollywood RE-makes! OK I get the message, ALL “good” cops are the young Rookie types, and all the white vets are on the take! The Black actors are all into hip-hop and drug distribution, but they don’t want anyone in the real world to relate the two after they leave the movie; –yet we get re-make after re-make???. They glorify the life of extreme expenses and the excess lifestyles and drugs, but no one wants that to be their profile! THERE ARE FORCES, however, who do want you to believe that ALL Police are bad and corrupt, for some reason! Thankfully we have a lean ratio of 1 lawyer for every 60 NON-lawyer persons in this country!, yeah, they’ll help us sue anyone who has $$ and makes any kind of mistake at all! (oops, another tangent!)

In closing, don’t go see any of these movies!…that way they’ll release them from the theatres sooner! In the case of the “chick flick”s or “Brooklyn’s Finest”, just go (re)watch the 1000’s of previously produced films out there! It’ll help bridge the time it takes these “newer” versions to get on dvd!

…at The Honda? He just MIGHT!

The G-String Question: Is the reaction dumber than the question itself? HELL YES!

The Bucs are off the hook.  The single dumbest question of the NFL Scouting Combine was asked to Oklahoma defensive tackle Gerald McCoy.

“Someone asked me if I wore a g-string or a jock strap when I played,” McCoy told the NFL Network set Monday to disbelief, laughter, and amazement.

Analyst Mike Mayock wanted to know McCoy’s reaction to the question.  The affable defender just left his mouth open in a stunned expression. 

We heard a few stories in Indianapolis of coaches jokingly messing with players during interviews, but none sounded as creepy as this.

The video of the interview is oddly not yet on NFL.com. That’s probably a coincidence.  Or perhaps the league is embarrassed.

REALLY, Jackass?..You think the NFL is embarrassed that some one reported that a player was asked a question off of the normal script? Gheesh, how long have you been following Pro Football? These questions judge reaction, no one is interested in the actual answer,..well, unless it involves Paris Hilton, a bipolar Koala bear, and a rented U-Haul.

The general reaction has been that poor Mr McCoy should be offended!….Awww, maybe if his feelings ae hurt, the question served its purpose. After all, it was HE who felt the need to share this snip-it with the rest of the class. The “character flaw”, in part, is ALL his!

 

If they awarded medals after each bobsled run at the Vancouver Winter Olympics, former Florida track and field athlete Steve Mesler would have two golds in his pocket – or around his neck.

A pusher on the USA I four-man bobsled piloted by Steve Holcomb, Mesler was in the winning sled in each of two runs Friday at the Whistler Sliding Centre.

However, the Florida graduate must make it through two more runs Saturday before he can claim a medal. Total time from the four runs determine the order of finish.

The United States has not won an Olympic four-man bobsled gold medal since 1948 at St. Moritz.

Mesler, an alternate on the 2002 Olympic team and part of Todd Hays’ seventh-place team at the 2006 Games, graduated from Florida in 2000. As a Gator, his sport was track and field, his specialty the decathlon.

As a right-side pusher and third man in the sled, the 6-foot-2, 206-pounder’s job here is to push like crazy, load quickly and hang on.

Both starts were strong, with emotions in check.

“We don’t stand at the top of the hill and say ‘this is it, this is the Olympic Games.’ That’s not gonna get us anywhere,” said Mesler, 31. “It’s pretty obvious. We don’t need to tell each other. All you’ve got to do is open your eyes and see the (Olympic) rings everywhere. So we just act as if our goal is to win the race today. That’s what we did, so we’re going to hope to go out and win the race tomorrow.”

USA I’s start time of 4.75 seconds, briefly a track record, ranked second overall on the first run, behind Germany I’s 4.73.

USA’s second start matched the 4.73, but ranked fourth overall. Germany I again was faster with a track-record 4.70.

USA I reached a top speed of 95 mph, flying through a wet snow on a 33-degree day.

Holcomb, who placed sixth in the two-man competition here that ended Sunday, simply outdrove Germany I’s Andre Lange. No easy task, as Lange already bagged the two-man gold here and is the two-time defending champion in the Olympic four-man competition.

USA I finished first first run in a track-record 50.89 seconds, the second in an even faster 50.86. The combined time of 1:41.75 leads Canada I by 0.40 seconds, with Lange’s Germany I another four-hundredths back. The next-best American sled, Mike Kohn’s USA III, is in 12^th place, 1.36 seconds behind USA I.

“I’m going to sleep well,” Mesler said. “When you go to bed the night before (the first runs), you’re not sure if you’re going to be fast, you’re not sure how it’s going to go. You feel like you are.

 “We know we’re fast on this track now. We know we can start. We know ‘Holcy’s’ driving. We know the equipment’s running. So we can go to bed knowing all we have to do now is come out and do our job.”

Others may not sleep as well. Six of 25 sleds crashed – three on the first run and three on the second. USA II, driven by John Napier, turned over on the second run but slid across the finish line to put the team in 17^th place.

Four sleds withdrew earlier in the week. Three of those were because of injuries suffered in crashes either in the two-man competition or four-man practices. A Dutch team dropped out because Edwin van Calker said he wasn’t confident in his driving ability on the track.

Two weeks earlier, a luger from the country of Georgia was killed on the same track.

Mesler, who came to the Gators from Buffalo but has resided for the last seven years in Calgary, respects the track. He does not fear it, though.

 “No, because we’re having good trips. We see those but Holcomb still has that same feel and it’s not going to change just watching other people crash.”

Between Holcomb and Mesler, in the No. 2 spot, is Justin Olsen of San Antonio. The brakeman and last in the sled is Curt Tomasevicz of Shelby, Neb.

“We’re right where we want to be,” Holcomb said. “We had a great day today and we’ll have another great day tomorrow.

“It’s not over yet. We’ve got another race ahead of us. This is basically like halftime.”

Steve Mesler, Curtis Tomasevicz, Justin Olsen and Steven Holcomb

2009 — Position — 2010
Avery Barnes — LF — Tyler Thompson
Matt den Dekker — CF — Matt den Dekker
Riley Cooper — RF — Daniel Pigott
Brandon McArthur — 1B — Preston Tucker
Clayton Pisani — 2B — Josh Adams
Mike Mooney — SS — Nolan Fontana
Josh Adams — 3B — Bryson Smith
Buddy Munroe — C — Mike Zunino
Preston Tucker — DH — Austin Maddox

Rounding the bases Friday night, Austin Maddox wasn’t sure if he was going to wake up before he reached home plate.

Moments earlier, Florida’s freshman designated hitter had just belted the second collegiate pitch of his career over the right-center field wall for a two-run home run to give the Gators (1-0) a 4-0 lead in the bottom of the first.

His trance ended after he touched home and realized what happened.

“First (at-bat). That doesn’t happen to many people, but it felt really good,” Maddox said.

It felt pretty good for the Gators all night in their season opener against South Florida at McKethan Stadium. Along with Maddox’s debut, junior infielder Josh Adams showed off some power by clearing the left field bleachers twice as the Gators defeated USF 6-2 in front of a crowd of 3,309.

While Maddox felt like his at-bat was a dream, Adams, who has won consecutive All-SEC accolades, said he had goosebumps after his first at-bat when he hit a two-run homer off Randy Fontanez in the first.

He was giddy after the hit, but he wasn’t very nervous coming into the game.

“Honestly, for a lot of us it felt like another scrimmage game because we’ve been scrimmaging so much,” Adams said. “About five minutes until game time everybody started getting that look like, ‘All right, it’s here. We’re ready to go.’ Everybody was ready and it was a good night.”

Besides Florida’s offensive explosion in the first, Friday meant the return of a familiar face. After spending the 2009 season sidelined after shoulder surgery, sophomore right-hander Tommy Toledo made his first appearance on the mound in more than a year.

He started strong as he struck out his first batter, but admitted jitters caught up to him while facing his third batter, Stephen Hunt, who saved the inning with a single to center. After Hunt stole second, Toledo walked Sam Mende off a wild pitch, putting runners at the corners.

Toledo then calmly struck out the next batter on a 3-2 count.

Toledo’s nerves didn’t leave him. His control problems landed him in a bases-loaded situation in the second, but like the inning before, he escaped with a strikeout and the clean sheet.

“It was definitely good to get my feet wet a little bit with the guys on and get those situations out of the way,” Toledo said. “I’m sure its going to be like that for the rest of the season, so I’m glad I got the first one out of the way.”

Florida coach Kevin O’Sullivan pulled Toledo after 3 1/3 innings with four strikeouts, two walks and an unearned run off 71 pitches. He was replaced by lefty Alex Panteliodis, who picked up the win after 3 1/3 innings and three strikeouts.

Florida’s bats went silent after Fontanez found his rhythm. He retired six straight after giving up those four runs and went 6 2/3 with five strikeouts in the losing effort.

Adams, who went 3-for-3 on the night, hit his second homer in the fifth and drove in his fourth run with a double in the seventh that scored senior center fielder Matt den Dekker.

The early bat work proved too much for the Bulls, but nerves kept the game from getting out of hand as Florida committed two errors on the night and only five hits after the first inning.

Still, O’Sullivan was pleased with the solid opening.

“There’s nothing like opening day,” he said. “Everybody’s anxious and everybody’s kind of amped up. I could tell our (batting practice) was a little different. It’s always good to get the first one out of the way.”

His wounds must have healed up nicely, huh???…I can’t WAIT to hear what his Lawyer/Publicist, uh I mean, HE, has to say! I can only imagine his Families are gonna get back together!….His NIKE family (which is the most important of course) AND his “wife” family! (I hear Nike will NEVER “F” Tiger!….and, well, Elin might not either,????….Well, at least not “double penetration” style, like he’s now use to having!)

How much Nike is looking forward to this can only PALE in comparisson to what WE the public are expecting! NOW all you Tiger fans can watch Golf again!…YA,YA,YA,YA,YA,YA!!!!!!

Tiger Woods will end nearly three months of silence Friday when he speaks publicly for the first time since his middle-of-the-night car accident sparked stunning revelations of infidelity.

However, his agent said Woods will not take any questions from a small group of media.

“This is not a press conference,” Mark Steinberg said Wednesday.

It will be Woods’ first public appearance since Nov. 27, when he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home. Woods’ only comments since then have been made through his Web site.

“It will be good to see Tiger’s face again, and see that he’s actually out there somewhere,” Stewart Cink said. “I think this is the beginning of the comeback process for him.”

Woods is to speak at 11 a.m. Friday from the clubhouse at the TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., home of the PGA Tour.

“This is all about the next step,” Steinberg said. “He’s looking forward to it.”

Still, there was strict control over the appearance, typical of Woods’ career.

Steinberg described the gathering as a “small group of friends, colleagues and close associates,” who will listen to Woods apologize as he talks about the past and what he plans to do next. He said three wire services have been invited — The Associated Press, Reuters and Bloomberg — and he asked the Golf Writers Association of America to recommend pool reporters.

Only one camera will be in the room to provide live coverage via satellite. Steinberg said other writers with proper credentials could watch from a hotel ballroom more than a mile away.

“The first time out, he’s better controlling it,” Padraig Harrington said. “Over time, there will be questions. At the moment, the best thing is a more controlled environment and gradually ease his way back into it.”

Steinberg said in an e-mail announcing the public appearance, “While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between he and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends and that’s what he’s going to discuss.”

The timing is peculiar. It will be held during the third round of the Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona, sure to steal attention away from the first big event of the year. Accenture was the first sponsor to drop Woods when he became embroiled in the sex scandal.

“He’s got to come out at some point,” Rory McIlroy said. “I suppose he might want to get something back against the sponsor that dropped him. No, I don’t know. It just went on for so long. I’m sick of hearing about it. And I’m just looking forward to when he’s getting back on the golf course.”

PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said he did not think Woods’ appearance was going to undermine a World Golf Championship event.

“We have tournaments every week,” Finchem said. “I think it’s going to be a story in and of itself. A lot of people are going to be watching golf this week to see what the world of golf says about it, my guess is. So that will be a good thing.”

As far as the PGA Tour’s part in the Woods event, Finchem said: “We were asked to make the facility available and to help with the logistics. That’s what we’re doing.”

Steinberg said only that Woods’ appearance during the championship was “a matter of timing.” Asked if it could have waited until Monday, he said, “No.”

No other news conference this week drew a larger crowd of reporters than the 20 who surrounded Finchem, a testament to how Woods has dominated the conservation at the Match Play.

“We’re all better off when he’s playing,” Adam Scott said. “I’m curious as to when he’ll return to golf.”

As for the timing?

“It’s his choice,” Scott said. “I guess the tour is hosting it there.”

Woods made a spectacular fall from his perch atop golf. He was believed to have been the first athlete to gross $1 billion in earnings and endorsements and, at 14 majors, was closing in on golf’s record of 18 majors held by Jack Nicklaus.

It all collapsed in the early morning hours the day after Thanksgiving.

Over the last few months, Woods has been on the cover of gossip magazines and the butt of jokes on national talk shows.

In the days before Woods’ accident, a National Enquirer story alleged the world’s No. 1 golfer had been seeing a New York nightclub hostess. Following the crash, a stream of women came forward to claim they had romantic relationships with Woods. One woman provided Us Weekly magazine with a voicemail she said Woods left her three days before the crash, asking her to take his number off her phone.

Woods admitted to “infidelity” in a statement on his Web site in mid-December and has been on an indefinite break from golf ever since.

Ian Poulter, who went extra holes to win his opening match, was among those curious to hear what Woods had to say. His only hope was to hear about it later.

“Hopefully, I’ll be on the golf course and not listening to it,” he said

From the constant back disabling shoveling to the dog dooty floating 3 feet above the buried grass on a blanket of white “canvas”, I’ve more than had enough of this snow. For the love of global warming, when did we become North Dakota!?!?….Vancouver wishes they got what we got.

SO for YOU!…my bretheren inthe northeren, I give you THIS!

• Cleaning up after winter storms can be a lot of work. Of course there are options - like paying someone else to do it. Snow blowers help too, but even using those can be strenuous and exhausting. So, if you end up having to do it yourself, here are some things you need to know to make the chore easier and safer.
  • Do light warm-up exercises before shoveling and take frequent breaks.
  • If possible, push snow in front of you. If you have to lift it, pick up small amounts and lift with your legs, not your back. Do not toss snow over your shoulder or to the side.
  • Don’t drink alcohol before or while shoveling snow. Do not drink before shopping for vintage snow blowers. Come to think of it if you shop for vintage snow blowers people will think you are drunk anyway.
  • Do not use rock salt it will ruin the paint on your newly rebuilt vintage snow blower.
• If you use a snow blower (also called a snow thrower), follow these safety guidelines:
  • Do not collect too many snow blowers. You won’t have enough time to clear your own driveway and you will have to hire it done.
  • Do not get a vanity plate of your favorite snow blower brand. People will think it is your last name.
  • Read the owner’s manual before starting your snow blower, and make the necessary corrections on your snow blower website.
  • Make sure all your friends and relatives are invited when you start your newly renovated snow blower. You may have to disobey the rule about no alcohol, because free booze is the only way you will get them there to see it.
  • Do not put your hand in the snow blower to remove impacted snow or debris. Turn the machine off and wait a few seconds. Then use a stick or broom handle to remove the material. If this does not work, remove the chute and spend your kid’s college fund to have it Teflon lined.
  • Do not leave the snow blower unattended when it is running. Always try to have a crowd around to show it off.
  • Never let a child beware that their father collects snow blowers, it could be embarrassing.
  • Fill up with fuel before you start, when the engine is cool. Budget at least 10% of your yearly salary to keep your collection in new gas.

So, you’re probably wondering if the Day is gonna PAY OFF for you…..well, you should! Look at your ass! You can’t EVEN be sure!. So, I found this VDay Chart to help you KNOW! Don’t thank me, its all in the chart!

 The Chart never fails…..it worked for me when I was with….

http://guyism.com/2010/02/your-guide-to-the-sexy-olympians-of-vancouver-2010.html

Well, they made another one, just for you!

Go figure, apparently SOME people are uptight!?!?.. People in this country can get freaked out about some one else’s opinion or views?..WOW! -Who’d have thunk it?

CLICK HERE!

So, in case you haven’t heard, we had a snow storm ”blow” through our little slice of heaven last night. Reports have it recorded as 4-6 inches, but I think we got more here at Casa de’UFreak. I could be wrong I guess, after all you should see what I tell my wife 8″ is! Still, it was a lot, and it was spirit-crushingly weighted by a nice 2 inch base of slush and ice. Oh, and I’m responsible for ALL the snow shoveling at my hovel!

Morning comes early when you chase bourbon with better bourbon. Add to that; when you get a dump of snow like today the kids naturally assume “snow” = “playtime”! So, its Aleve and toast for breakfast, followed by a half gallon of Seattle’s Best. “I’m UP!”

Knowing there are snow forts and snowperson (we are politically correct here) building in my future, I develop a thrifty plan to “Work-smarter-not-harder”, to clear my driveway. My next door neighbor and I have an understanding; He buys a snow blower and I dont bitch about the noise it makes! Its a great arrangement, and it saves me a bunch of time and a LOT of Aleve! MOST TIMES, anyway!

Whenever it snows more than a few inches, my neighbor “blows his snow” then I blow mine….or, whatever its called when you use that modified pressure washer. He’s real good about it, and it works out great for me! Only today there’s a problem; -He’s GONE! Yeah, he’s out of town sitting by a pool collecting little paper umbrella’s in a hotel ashtray! Some nerve! -So, I hatch me a plan! I’m gonna go Jimmy open his basement window and get into his garage to take my rightful turn with “Little Boy Blew”! On my way to his backyard, I notice the neighbor on the OTHER side has already beaten me to the mark, and HE’S now working on that same weak excuse for a window! “THAT BASTARD!”…..His driveway is shorter than mine! So, knowing how I hate to wait, I decide to make Mr Eager-Beaver PAY for his unjust act. YUP!, I call the Police and report a break-in! Oh yeah, and with the Cop Shop only a 1/2 mile away, it shouldn’t take too long for justice to be served!

Right on time, Johnny-Law pulls in as Mr Greedy-pants is in the garage rooting for the gas can! I cannot hold back my laughter as, guns drawn, Crockett and Tubbs make their way down the driveway expecting the worst. BUST-ED!

In a bit of serendipity, Mrs “Greedy-Pants” took MR GP’s car to work this morning, and therefore, leaving HIM w/o an ID! Blah-blah-blah, a few minutes later he and Colerain’s finest are over at his house trying to hash out the particulars! I sneak around the deck, and pull the golden snow-blower out of the now open garage and head back home!

I got about 3 quarters done, when there’s a tap on my shoulder! Totally expecting this for the past 20 minutes I turn around and explode with laughter! There’s Mr Greedy-Pants, and he’s NOT seeing the funny side to this yet!

We’ve been neighbors for a while so this wasn’t a total surprise to him, and after a few “No, but wait“…and, “You should have seen them creeping down the driveway“s later, and all was good again….Well, I dont think we’re playing cards tonight, but he’s not going to press charges. Hell, he’s from the Hills of Kentucky – he’s use to stUFf like this.

Bottom line, I got my driveway cleared and logged in a full hour of “daddy” time with the kids.  ALL in plenty of time to make it to the kids first soccer game! My neighbor? He got the poor-man’s version of a “stress test”, and got to use a day off he probably didn’t expect he’d need. I’m betting he spends the new-found off day drunk! Just like he did when he came back from vacation last year, and found all his furniture had been moved to different rooms!

 I bet he never sells that place!

10 reasons why Woods won’t return to golf at The Accenture.

1) Accenture was the first major Woods sponsor to completely drop the golfer.

2) If Woods is indeed at a sex rehab clinic, he’ll have no virtually no time to practice for the event. The Masters isn’t until April.

3) As noted by PGA Tour pro-turned-Golf Channel analyst Brandel Chamblee to USA TODAY, at The Masters, Woods would be inside a bubble, away from the media hordes. At The Accenture, he’d be vulnerable to inevitable media circus.

4) Woods has said that 18-hole match play is golf’s most difficult competitive format. So why would he break his game back in under that circumstance?

5) Woods, who has played the Dove Mountain desert course that will host The Accenture a limited number of times, complained about the greens last year.

6) Woods made his comeback from knee surgery at The Accenture in 2009, and was unceremoniously bounced out of the tournament in the second round by Tim Clark.

7) Normal PGA Tour events span four days of competition. The Accenture features five days of play and players can log up 36 holes on each of the last two days. That for a player who has barely practiced with a chronic bad knee?

Golf reporter Gary Van Sickle, even before the Herald-Sun claim, reported for SI that Woods would not come back at The Accenture because, “he doesn’t care for desert golf. I could see him crossing the Match Play off his list permanently, or until Accenture reinstates him.”

9) Officials at The Accenture haven’t heard anything to suggest Woods will show up.

10) The nearest Perkins is 363 miles away in Bullhead City, Arizona: