My new Favorite Sports related phrase!….
Posted by UFreak in 
…and it only applies to Tiger Woods! — “His putter let him down, today”!…. And its always said like its a crutch for Mr Golf. Like they’re trying to have you believe, as the viewer, that had his putter just NOT let him down, that he’d be winning by 30!….Or, that NO ONE else, EVER, has had a putting problem! We all know that its no fun when you YOURSELF putt/play poorly!
“OH, YOU WANT FUN?, GO HOME AND BUY A MONKEY!!”…
…”What does that even mean?”….
Last week during “league”, while I was carding yet another 50 (with 25 putts) , I was telling the guys how I wish my putter wouldn’t have let me down so much today! They looked at me like I just whizzed on the cart-girls’ leg!…again. Fast-forward 15 minutes, and they all step to the Tiger trough and drink deeply as the announcers tale us with the bit about Tiger’s “evil Putter”!!,…..uh, “Elin” (I named it for him)….Yeah, Tiger himself even gets into the act,…claiming, “MY PUTTER LET ME DOWN“!….WHAT? I guess when he nails a putt, its all him, but when he misses, its his “putter” letting him down?….Shouldn’t the ball shoulder some of the blame here?…or, maybe the dude/duddette that trimmed the green?….yeah, where WAS Carl Spackler anyway??? Or wait,..here’s what the fun-lovin’ guys tell ME, when I tank a putt…”Hey, Jackass, you putt like shit!”…(They’re always SOO jealous of my 50′s)!
So, my note here to Tiger, whenever you miss a putt, its kinda YOUR FAULT,….the putter really only does what you tell it do….at least that’s what the tell me!..That and…
Wouldn’t it be great to use this excuse where YOU work?…”Well Bob, I was sure we’d nail that Johnson account”,….”Unfortunately, my mouth let me down and told that bastard to go Fuck himself!”….”If only my mouth wouldn’t have let me down like that, Bob!”…..”What’ya say we go bag us some Hookers now?”
tOSU vs U of Miami, you're undoubtedly wondering how I think it'll go!
Game Two, in the Shoe!…I’ll be REAL surprised if this one is a laugher, either way. tOSU should end up being the favorite, but probably by 3, or 3.5; after all, scUM isn’t quite an SEC team! Still, the formidable OSU O-Line will have their hands full with the DE’s and quick LB’s that stock the Miami defense. This one will be decided by a kicker, and whichever coach assumes all his scoring opp’s. (Check for a line here, later on). Few of the Miami players will be motivated by this:
…basically because most were only about 12 years old back then, and because Randy Shannon has his ‘Canes focused on the now, not the then. Jacory Harris is a legit big time QB, and this game could be his ”big moment” if he plays like he did early in 2009. His games against FSU, Jawja Tech and Okly were pretty impressive! They also have a solid stable of RB’s to keep the OSU front 7 honest.
Here’s a highlight video of Mr Harris:
OK,…so Tiger Woods and Elin have little to worry about from this guy – at least for a few years anyway. Still, he worked some magic early last season, then he and the Canes faded a little down the stretch. I dont think there will be a repeat of the mess, that was that shitty Bowl game against Wiscony.
I also dont see Terrelle Pryor over-padding his stats in this one (he’ll do that in league play, no doubt),…running, or throwing the ball. I think OSU will win the game, but Harris will have the better “stats” game at QB….Pryor will do enUFf to win, and Tressy ball will be plain enUFf to not force him into many mistakes. Again, Tress will let him loose more in BIG10 games, than he will in this one. No one on that staff wants another Texas debacle,….
Brash Prediction: tOSU 21 – UM 20….so, with the spread, take the Canes!….
The CFB season is about to K/O, here are 11 teams looking to turn themselves around
….but dont bet on any of them, unless you just REALLY like losing your money!
In the history of the Rose Bowl, just one school between the Big Ten and Pac-10 has never smelled the roses: Arizona. With the conference so open this season, the Wildcats have a chance to snap their dubious drought. But be careful what you wish for. In their 32 years as a member of the Pac-10, the Wildcats have come painfully close to reaching the big stage only to fail each time. We look back on the school’s biggest heart breaks. Other BCS teams that historically fail?….They are right here:
10. Iowa State
Yes, we are aware the Cyclones made it to a bowl game last year. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean jack in college football anymore. After a 22-year bowl drought ended in 2000, the Cyclones have squeezed into five other bowl games. But when they’re bad, they’re really bad. From 2006-08, ISU was 9-27. They played in the Insight Bowl last year, but only after earning three of their six wins against North Dakota State, Kent State and Army – still finishing 3-5 in the conference.
9. Kentucky
After setting an NBA record for first round draft picks from the same team (5), Kentucky’s basketball program put itself back among the nation’s best. Finding out that football scholarships are simply loaned to John Calipari wouldn’t surprise us in the slightest. The number of players Kentucky had picked in the first round in the last decade of the NFL Draft? One.
The Wildcat’s best years are most known from the days of coach Paul “Bear” Bryant after World War II; he apparently exhausted his team so much that they couldn’t make a bowl game for 20 years after he left. Unbelievably, the Cats got to No. 8 in the AP poll in 2007 – only to choke the season away and end up 7-5. This tells you everything you need to know about UK football. On top of that, Kentucky has lost 25 straight games to Tennessee. Even worse, their new head coach’s name: Joker. This looks promising.
8. Northwestern
As if wearing purple jerseys weren’t shameful enough. Embarrassing themselves even before they step on the field, the Wildcats usually play like they look. One of the only football records Northwestern holds is the longest losing streak ever (34 games from 1979-82).
Their last bowl victory was in 1949 but that’s not even the worst part; it was their only bowl victory, EVER. This egregious record is not from lack of trying. The Wildcats have now lost 7 straight bowl games, including the 1996 Rose Bowl (talk about a miracle) and two heartbreaking overtime losses in the past two years. Which will happen first? A Wildcat bowl win or a Cubs World Series championship?
The Wildcats actually had a good 2009 season, ending up in the Outback Bowl. But naturally Northwestern lost most of its offensive weapons and is projected to finish toward the bottom of the Big Ten standings.
7. Minnesota
Known mostly for their hockey prominence, Minnesota is constantly struggling for success in other athletic endeavors. Football has not been kind to the Golden Gophers. Since a share of the national title in 1960, Minnesota has been underground. For example: Since 1967, Goldy has won the Little Brown Jug from Big Ten rival Michigan a grand total of three times.
The good news: Minnesota has made it to 4 bowl games in 5 years by padding their nonconference schedule with patsies. The bad news: They lost all of them, including the worst blown lead in the history of FBS bowl games in 2006. This loss led to the firing of coach Glen Mason. Their new coach Tim Brewster holds a losing record and zero bowl victories. If only football were played on ice.
6. Mississippi State
The Mississippi State Bulldogs enter our list as another SEC cream puff. The Bulldogs have only won one SEC championship in their entire history. We’ve seen nearly eleven different presidents since Mississippi State won their only title in 1941. MSU seems to be a gravesite for coaches. A coach hasn’t left Mississippi State with a winning record since 1954. And there have only been two coaches in the entire program’s history with winning records against SEC opponents.
No wonder the SEC is so good: They get an extra bye week each year. At least Dan Mullen is a very competent coach who showed promise in his first season. But the Bulldogs lost almost all the pieces from their offense last season and play at LSU, at Florida, and at Alabama. Go figure.
5. Baylor
With a nice run in March Madness, some people may have remembered the existence of Baylor athletics. It would take a beautiful mind to remember the last time Baylor was relevant in college football. No one can seem to find the magic touch, as Baylor has produced a losing record over the last 15 seasons and 3 different coaches. Being in the so-called “Football capital of the world,” even the losses are bigger in Texas.
And playing in the treacherous Big 12 South with the likes of Oklahoma, Texas, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech, that streak of losing seasons doesn’t appear to be ending anytime soon. There almost appears to be a curse over the program as, poised for a breakout year in 2009, star QB Robert Griffin went down with a torn ACL in the third game of the season.
4. Washington State
Right now, the Cougs are the worst BCS team in the country after going a dreadful 3-22 in Paul Wulff’s two seasons in Pullman. In 2009, WSU ranked 119th (out of 120) in total offense and dead last in total defense and all of their 11 loses were by double digits.
They haven’t made a bowl game since 2003, a year after head coach Mike Price left his alma mater high and dry to bolt for Alabama. But hey, that’s nothing compared to their 50-year bowl drought that mercifully ended in 1981. As Wulff is finding out, it’s tough getting blue-chip recruits to come play in the middle of nowhere when your program’s claim to fame (or infamy) is Ryan Leaf.
3. Vanderbilt
Playing in the most powerful conference in the NCAA, the Commodores have not won a conference championship since 1923. In the entire program history, they have appeared in only 4 bowl games. Conversely, no other SEC team has appeared in less than 14. The Commodores have only had one winning season in the past two decades and only four in the past half century. The Dore-mats were already projected by many to go winless in conference this season, and their head coach Bobby Johnson just resigned weeks before kick off. Can they just forfeit their games now?
2. Indiana
If you thought Minnesota was an atrocious Big Ten football team, you must have forgotten Indiana even had one. We don’t blame you, of course, the Hoosiers have been to just nine bowl games in their history. They can legitimately count their successful seasons on their fingers, and have been to one bowl game since 1993. IU hasn’t beaten Michigan or Ohio State in over 20 years.
Last season showed some promise as the Hoosiers started 3-0. Then the planets realigned and Indiana dropped eight of their last nine games to once again secure a spot at the bottom of the Big Ten. Somewhere Bobby Knight just tossed a chair. The good news? They can’t go any lower.
1. Duke
Duke is all kinds of atrocious on the gridiron, having won only three bowl games in their entire program history – the last one coming a whopping 50 years ago. And they’ve been home for the holidays every year since 1994. Duke’s been almost all downhill since Steve Spurrier left to coach Florida in 1990 after leading the Blue Devils to respectability. They haven’t had a winning football record since 1994, but have gone completely winless three times since then.
That includes a 23-game losing streak from 1999-2001 because, as head coach Carl Franks mildly put it, “Winning football games has certainly been harder than I anticipated.” Yeah, that’s an understatement. This past season’s 5-7 record was such a success head coach David Cutcliffe was offered the job at Tennessee. Cutcliffe turned the job down; apparently he’s a glutton for punishment.
Ocho-crapo is bored, so he Twitts to get attention. If only him's mommy showed him more love!!
On most teams, the #1 wide reciever makes the fans notice him by PRODUCING on the field,….but NOT here in Cincinnati!…HELL NO!…Here, in the land of 20 playoff UNwinning seasons, our be-”ASSED” wr makes people look at him by committing low level misdemeanors -under NFL law. Yeah, the asshat with the stupid ass name gets his kicks by using his phone on the sidelines during a game…wwooo-hhooo!..AND here, and ONLY here, is this received by the fan base as a hoot!
Asshole-cinco was bored and, since he hasn’t caught many pASSes, decided to go against another “rule”, this time of the uber-pathetic “twitter” variety(yawn!).
He made such a big deal about (insert anything here) his “fine-fund” last year, only to see it go unused!…Ssssoooooo, he twittered on the sidelines knowing FULL well it would get his smug-ass face on TV, and give him a chance to bitch and moan about being fined by the NFL!….Of course, the drone fans fell for it like they do all his remedial ploys, lock-stock-and-BigMac!
When does the silly clown shit end, and the actual WINNING shit start? Can I REALLY be the only one in this town who is tired of baseless smack, and interested in plain old simple WINS?
Every year we hear his gums flap about how he (not the team, its always just about him) is NOW ready, or how he finally worked out in the off-season, or how with his new boy-toy Batman Buddy here the Bungles “NOW-NOW” have that final piece in place to win….YET!-
through it all, the Bungles haven’t won even one play-off game. Not only haven’t they won, but the 2 games they played in the post-season drip of the stink HE left on them. Against Pittsburgh, it was (of course) his child-like selfish tirade he threw in the locker room at halftime….then, he turned into the invisable asshole this past season;- en route to making Darrelle Revis a little richer! Oh, and he “promised” to change his name back to Dickhead, uh, “Johnson”, if he was shut down….Uh, he didn’t!…Proving he is NOT a man of his word, either! When do the fans at LEAST demand he follow thru on ‘some” of his claims?..
So aside from being a twit, a media whore, and a guy who plays only for himself,…..What do you all SEE in this clown?…OH!…wait, that’s right, “EVERYONE loves a clown!
I'm the best there is, Plain and Simple…..
Well Dick, here’s the deal….I’m the best there is, Plain and Simple! I wake up in the morning and piss excellence - Ricky Bobby
Well bitches, I’ve done it again! What have I done? I’ve recruited the assistance of a hot little blonde named Erica. This chick is Hot, Funny, witty and will pretty much break your shit down. Tread lightly mother fuckers and prepare to be enlightened by this little gem!
Now, all I need is a Midget with some sales/marketing experience and this shit will be off the hook!
Pics of Erica coming soon!
No Matter what is going on in your life, you have to Wife this chick!
Ladies take note – It doesn’t matter what you look like and it doesn’t matter what the rest of this letter might have said, if you end a note with “I’ll call you and see if you want to fuck my face or something…” Your dude will hear you! He will buy you a ring ASAP. Leaving notes like this will bring his ass home at night. Look, every guy has an unwritten list of shit they need in their lives. It contains things like: Football, ESPN, beer & wings, Midgets, baseball, and a chick that says “dinner is in the fridge” and “you can fuck my face” in the same sentence. When I go to my girls house tomorrow night, I’m going to leave a pack of post-it notes and a pen and see what kind of letter I get. If it’s remotely close to this, look for Doc to pop the question, pronto!
Somebody tell Ocho Cinco I need to HOLLA at him!
The Bengals wide receiver was fined $25,000 for violating two league policies that prohibit the use of social media and the possession of an electronic device on the sideline during games. READ MORE
Yo Homie, HOLLA AT ME! You’re going about this shit all wrong. Look, we all know you’re making this shit happen and you’re going to do what you want to do. But lets be economical about this whole thing. You can just pay me $5k per game and I’ll stand by your side and twitter whatever you want. C’mon kid, use your brain. Doc is here to help baby, don’t be stubborn.
Somebody get me a freakin' Midget ASAP!
Dude I totally need one of these little fuckers. They can dance, sing, fight. Crazy little perverted bastards. I need one that’s funny and can write and will let me make videos of him. If you know one, send him to me: doc@fatguysports.com. He’s gotta be kind of fat though, because he’s going to be my Mini-Doc.
Either that….or one to go get my fucking Mt. Dew in the morning, or just ride a tri-cycle around in my office to cheer me up and say shit like “Dee Plane Boss, Dee Plane”.
Muay Thai Midgets
What an epic battle of small vs. smaller! This shit was all out, balls to the wall, move fast or be stepped on. They don’t show who won this fight. But I gotta give it to the little dude in the blue trunks. Even in between rounds he was yelling Cantanese profanities and throwing blows at his trainer/handler. Like this little spider monkey just can’t get enough violence in his life. And he was just whoopin’ that big midgets ass all over the ring. Every time the big midget got punched in the face, it reminded me of the “Rock em Sock em” game.
Do these 4 Filipino dudes look like they are in serious need of a Male Role-Model?
BUZZFEED - Filipinos are used to the fact that Asians are rarely (or never) called as semi-finalists in Miss Universe, so imagine the excitement when one of their own becomes part of the Top 15.
This is seriously either one of the funniest or one of the most disturbing videos I’ve seen in a while. Like if that chick didn’t make it into the top 15, these four were certainly going down to the fish market and blowing some shit up. Instead, the chick got in and these dudes went through a case of KY Intense Jell. Pink sheets, pink walls, dude in the front’s wrists were so limp he could barely pick his nose much less clap properly. Like if you see a dude clap and his wrists smack before his hands do, he’s definitely a pole smoker. Fatboy in the back with his pastel boxers, little dude in the back sitting there like an 8 yr old russian gymnist. These mother fuckers (or father fuckers) need to watch some MMA, Football, or something. Get off the Estrogen pills fella’s. Let’s all bow our heads and pray a Tsunami just wipes that country out ASAP