Posted by UFreak in 
Don’t Mess W/The (UF)Zohan
So, in case you haven’t heard, we had a snow storm ”blow” through our little slice of heaven last night. Reports have it recorded as 4-6 inches, but I think we got more here at Casa de’UFreak. I could be wrong I guess, after all you should see what I tell my wife 8″ is! Still, it was a lot, and it was spirit-crushingly weighted by a nice 2 inch base of slush and ice. Oh, and I’m responsible for ALL the snow shoveling at my hovel!
Morning comes early when you chase bourbon with better bourbon. Add to that; when you get a dump of snow like today the kids naturally assume “snow” = “playtime”! So, its Aleve and toast for breakfast, followed by a half gallon of Seattle’s Best. “I’m UP!”
Knowing there are snow forts and snowperson (we are politically correct here) building in my future, I develop a thrifty plan to “Work-smarter-not-harder”, to clear my driveway. My next door neighbor and I have an understanding; He buys a snow blower and I dont bitch about the noise it makes! Its a great arrangement, and it saves me a bunch of time and a LOT of Aleve! MOST TIMES, anyway!
Whenever it snows more than a few inches, my neighbor “blows his snow” then I blow mine….or, whatever its called when you use that modified pressure washer. He’s real good about it, and it works out great for me! Only today there’s a problem; -He’s GONE! Yeah, he’s out of town sitting by a pool collecting little paper umbrella’s in a hotel ashtray! Some nerve! -So, I hatch me a plan! I’m gonna go Jimmy open his basement window and get into his garage to take my rightful turn with “Little Boy Blew”! On my way to his backyard, I notice the neighbor on the OTHER side has already beaten me to the mark, and HE’S now working on that same weak excuse for a window! “THAT BASTARD!”…..His driveway is shorter than mine! So, knowing how I hate to wait, I decide to make Mr Eager-Beaver PAY for his unjust act. YUP!, I call the Police and report a break-in! Oh yeah, and with the Cop Shop only a 1/2 mile away, it shouldn’t take too long for justice to be served!
Right on time, Johnny-Law pulls in as Mr Greedy-pants is in the garage rooting for the gas can! I cannot hold back my laughter as, guns drawn, Crockett and Tubbs make their way down the driveway expecting the worst. BUST-ED!
In a bit of serendipity, Mrs “Greedy-Pants” took MR GP’s car to work this morning, and therefore, leaving HIM w/o an ID! Blah-blah-blah, a few minutes later he and Colerain’s finest are over at his house trying to hash out the particulars! I sneak around the deck, and pull the golden snow-blower out of the now open garage and head back home!
I got about 3 quarters done, when there’s a tap on my shoulder! Totally expecting this for the past 20 minutes I turn around and explode with laughter! There’s Mr Greedy-Pants, and he’s NOT seeing the funny side to this yet!
We’ve been neighbors for a while so this wasn’t a total surprise to him, and after a few “No, but wait“…and, “You should have seen them creeping down the driveway“s later, and all was good again….Well, I dont think we’re playing cards tonight, but he’s not going to press charges. Hell, he’s from the Hills of Kentucky – he’s use to stUFf like this.
Bottom line, I got my driveway cleared and logged in a full hour of “daddy” time with the kids. ALL in plenty of time to make it to the kids first soccer game! My neighbor? He got the poor-man’s version of a “stress test”, and got to use a day off he probably didn’t expect he’d need. I’m betting he spends the new-found off day drunk! Just like he did when he came back from vacation last year, and found all his furniture had been moved to different rooms!
I bet he never sells that place!
Its just time to STOP THIS!
I get the whole equal rights this, equal rights that routine….I do. Its good, to a degree!. BUT THIS?…This isn’t what this whole movement was/is about. This is just inflicting your will because you want to start up some shit.
This isn’t heroic, noble or ground breaking. Its just being a Bother to be a freaking Bother. There are other things of interest this kid can fill his day with. This isn’t a “Oh they’re not letting Billy play baseball story”, this is forcing your kid and a school into an odd spot so you can prove a point. Be a parent and tell your kid to find another “passion”! He’s not going to be a Run-way model either, so if he tells you he wants to, you gonna sue Calvin Klien for not using him in underwear commercials?…
Stop using the fact that there is something you find different about yourself (or a loved one) and cramming that square peg into the not so square whole…– just “because”! We’re all out looking for a lawsuit, and a 5 minutes shot on the evening news. What’s next, not getting the hot girl because you’re physically repulsive, then suing her for only going after good looking dudes?…Really, its time to just accept yourself, and stop forcing a small gain that penalizes the masses because you think its your right. You aren’t an Astronaut, so find something else to do!
Can I get a translator?
Really? What the hell is going on south of the border?
Instead of a Microphone and gold chains, somebody needs to hook this little fattie up with a Treadmill & some celery! And WTF is up with the 2 future latina porn stars, what kind of shit is going on at the burrito day cares these days?
Instead of Mini-Daddy, they should’ve called him Mini-Fatty!
And what the fuck is he saying?????? My spanish sucks, ce!
I need someone to translate this shit, sounds like he’s saying something about “ella datta burrito”…..I bet he’s referring to his little jalepeno.
On a side note…….
Latina women are crazy fuckin’ hot!
NSD, and you know it!
National Signing Day!…the day silly ass College Football junkies (like myself) are glued to their favorite sites waiting for 17 – 18 year old kids to commit their College choices! For the Florida Gators, the class is pretty much complete; and all before 11am! This is the earliest I can recall this being “over”!…Well, there is a highly regarded OL Chaz Green who they still hope to get, but the rest are Signed sealed and ALL GATORS!. Check out that link, and dot the lines on what will be an amazing Defensive Line.
5* DE Ronald Powell (#1 overall recruit, per Rivals)
5* DT Sharrif Floyd (#4 overall recruit, per Rivals)
5* DT Dominique Easley (#7 overall recruit, per Rivals)
4* DE Lynden Trail (#123 overall recruit, per Rivals)
Add Safety Matt Elam (5*, overall #25 player, per Rivals) and Cornerback Joshua Shaw (4* overall #28 player, per Rivals) and the Defense might be kinda strong!…AGAIN!
Collectively, 10 of the Rival Top 100 are signed in as Gators…well, Travon Van isn’t “in” yet, but should be (HE’S SIGNED NOW!) (He’s not in the top 100 though). If Chaz Green (#43 overall, per Rival / OL) avoids the UTenn temptations, he could make 11 of the top 100 that are Gators (& 5 of the top 28 !). Not bad for a Coach who nearly had to quit due to health problems, in the middle of recruiting! Just added Adrian Coxson, 6’2″ wr from Maryland. 27 loi’s, one spot left….for Mr Green!?!?!?!
OSU is humming right around the #26 mark, though when OL Seantrell Henderson (#2 overall recruit, per Rivals) commits, that will shoot them back in the top 20 easy! They really didn’t have a whole lot of need this year. Young team, pretty much already set for 2010. Still, got a good class.
UC hasn’t cashed in, they are listed at #56…B-Kelly left no favors when he parted. They’ve lost a few of the touted recruits they had. By late afternoon they could fall into the 60′s in class rank.
The SEC is, once again, taking the bulk of the talent, by conference. Seven of the top 19 ranked classes are from the SEC. (Florida, Auburn, Alabama, LoSerU, Tennessee, Jawja, and Ole Miss ; SoCarolina fell to #26) Making it once again, the top conference in recruiting. Somehow people STILL doubt they are the best!…As if 4 National Titles in a row, and 5 out of the last 6 didn’t nail it down for them….???