Chud Ocho-a$$holio to be on Letterman!!!

Posted by UFreak in Random      No comments

Oct
28

FatGuySports field reporter, Richard Gozinya, was able to obtain a copy of the “Top ten list” that Chud’s gonna read, whilst he further whores himself on Letterman this Thursday!

 LUCKY YOU’Z!……

Top Ten Reasons I’m a Douche, by Chud the dud;

10. Its 2009, yet I still wear fake gold teefs!

9. I promote the mohawk!…and NO, I’m not 12 years old!….????

8. I’m a self-promoting media whore….I sacrifice winning Football games to get Face-time!….I can’t stop doing that!

7. I yell at other players, say bad things about the City I play in, the people, the team, and the fans; then say I’m sorry and expect to be loved again!

6. I think I’m a Hall of Famer, and even had a two year old cut letters & numbers out of electrical tape and then stick them on a jacket I got from Goodwill, to prove it! (I’m insecure!)..yeah, then I wore the hideous thing on the side-lines during the game!…can you believe that sh.t???….Wow, I’m a douche!

5. I changed my name to “8″, “5″  (in Spanish) and not “85″ because I did no research whats-so-ever into the Spanish language, and just assumed “8″ and “5″ meant 85…(you know, like in “Inglish”!) in my efforts to forge an “in” into the Spanish market. I tried to market this 2 years ago, but, dumb as I am, I f*cked up the paper work. I also forgot to check with the NFL about doing this, and had to stay “Johnson” for a year. Fortunately, ….Spanish fans are as easy to dupe as American fans are!!!

4. I block as effectivly as a wind-chime prevents tornados!

3. I punched a Coach during half-time of the only playoff game in Bungle history (last 20 years, actually), because I thought they weren’t throwing me the ball enUFf….We were winning at the time, then after I acted like a freakin’ idiot, we went out and lost the game….yeah, Pittsburgh is our #1 rival, and they ended up winning another Super Bowl as a direct result of my ass’ness!

2. I count a double-homicide knife killer like Ray-Ray Lewis among the people who have influenced me and help me pursue a media whore life. He killed 2 guys in a bar down in Atlanta, then walked from it!…HAHAHAHA!…yeah, and a few years later, the Ravens voted him “Man of the Year” for their team….fans ate that sh.t up!….tell me they’re not stupid!…I love dumb fans!

1. I took a dive in a game against bUFfalo a few years ago. It was a game that would have possibly carried us to the post-season, but then some idiot called for me to run a quick slant, and the DB almost took my head off….you know, because I’m a d.ckhead a lot of times,..so,…he said I should just stay down or he was gonna “F” me up good,..so,…sh.t, man,…I stayed down!…After all, I’m a puzzy too!

 

…”Gheesh, there are tons more, Dave,…you sure you just want 10 reasons why I’m a f*ckin’ douchebag?…like, I work on skits and stunts to do after scores, which prove important to me, but not the team I’m suppose to be helping to win games?, or,….Oh, I paid some fans to sit in the front row at a Green Bay game, so if I scored I could jump in the stands!…uh, let’s see, I wear shirts with “Louis Vuitton” on them, proving I’m transexual too-as a call out to the homosexual fans…Yeah, I know, that’s pretty pathetic,….as is most of the stunt-crap I do!….
WHAT?..Get the “what” outta here?…Hey, wait a minute, I LIKE people with gaps between their front teeth,…Maybe I’ll get a gap like that cut into a pair of gold teefs and we’ll do a song together?….huh?…What’ya mean, Paul throw a tuba at this a$$hole??….”—————————- flat-line!