For the LOVE of Por-NO!
Posted by UFreak in 
or, more directly, the love of a porn-o CHICK!….Here’s the story of a man named Jed (or Scott), poor rich beach living bastard barely kept his hog fed. Then one day while he’s shootin up (off) a load, up comes some hooters, in a bubbling blond!…..hooters that is!….”Florida Farmland”,..”gun” rack, even….. Well the next thing ya know ol’ Scott’s a “town manager“??—eerrrt!…..OK, enUFf Beverly Hillbillies rip-off,…or, for those who didn’t see that comin, -Up yourz young blood! READ HERE
Dude lives in Ft Meyers (so he’s OLD!), has some bullshit fake high paying job known as “town manager”?….and he’s boinkin a still hot PRO?….NO WONDER the “board” was riffed! I’d have gone into the meeting with her on my freakin’ lap, spinning her like a circus clown! WHY NOT!?!?!…This guy has to be the luckiest bastage on the West Coast of Florida!-the over 55 age bracket anyway!
A mid-60′s to early 70′s heart attack is in his future, but who’d care….I’d bang her like a screen door in a hurricane straight to the grave!….and see that smile on his face…You wont be able to sand-blast that thing off of him!….I issue a FULL pardon to this man, and in fact, give in a RARE “FULL FatGuySports honor” salute! That bald man is an icon, and should be treated as such. ( a full FGS honor salute is a two mugs up standing salute, in case you were sitting there not giving a shit!)
HAIL YOU JED…er, Scott Janke!…Yours will be one of the few lawsuits I’ll see as legit!
Must “C” early season games
USC/Ohio State is the biggest, but if it’s anything like last year, it may not be too great of a game. But I wouldn’t count on that. The Trojans are breaking in a new quarterback and it seems everyone is STILL on the Terrelle Pryor bandwagon (must have missed that Bowl game against TexASS last year, huh!?!?!). Still, just TRY and get a ticket to this one, baby! Heard around town, Carson Palmer was petitioning the NCAA about getting a red-shirt eligibility exemption for this game. Hell, I would too, if it got me away from THE CHUD! He might like throwing passes to wr’s that aren’t asses! If USC has their guy under center figured out, it’s a big win…if not, it’s a closer win. Still, find a TV in the country that’s not showing interest in this one. Gays and the blind will be the only ones NOT watching this game! USC is breaking in 3 new LB’s, but they’ll still contain Pryor…who wasn’t lights out at home last year against the Penn State defense, if you remember. tOSU loses yet another “big” game under Tress, yet the masses of fans will still call him a “Big Game” Coach. “Big” must mean Michigan and Notre Dame, huh?
Alabama/Virginia Tech will be a good one for fans in the South. The Hokies are never a very exciting team to watch, but this game may gauge if Bama is still on track after last year’s 12-2 season. Nick “Lucifer” Saban vs Frank “I recruit serious criminals only” Beamer, what a physically ground-out game this will be. Saban is a GAWD to the bathroom tissue and Tide box carrying mullet-teer fans from Bammer, and Beamer is the Old man and the Sea V-Tech Warden. Bamma lost a steady QB and 3 ROCKS on that O-line, but Saban has recruited well in Tuscla! He should, at 5 mil a year, huh?….Beamer takes every kid to pass through the States’ Juvie system, and turns them into rugged defenders with sh.tty attitudes. Credit the prick, but he gets 3 and 4 star recruits to play with about anyone! Keen special teams, and a grimaced face that looks like he just sh.t his pants, have made FRANK a steady hand on the sidelines for them thar Hokies. V-Tech plays ACC Football, The Alabama Sabans play a mix between BIG10 power running and finesse passing-nearly ALL going to the new-stud-on-the-block wr, and future top 5 NFL draft pick, Julio Jones. Alabama surprised many last year by being a year ahead of schedule. This year few will be surprised when they win this game….outside of Beamer and his bunch. VTech always loses just enUFf to stay out of the big picture, but win enUFf to stay dangerous. They have a legit shot, but unless their QB can go Randall Cunningham on Bama, they wont have enUFf offense. Bama by 10.
Oklahoma State has a chance to prove their worth with an early matchup against Georgia, but the Bulldogs are in transition and may struggle early while establishing their new identity, and Mark Richt’s new hair style. The “other” “other” tOSU team in the country (Oregon State U is the ‘other” one) Oklahomo State, gets an early shot to take a bite out of the SEC . OH!,..and NO ONE IN THIS COUNTRY can comment on Okla State without telling you BARRY “he was a great one, but also one terrific bite-my-ass jerkhole too” Sanders went there and did loads of great things….”I did what, like everyone else?”….anyway, Jawja is breaking in a new QB, yadda-yadda-yadda!….You might have heard 48 billion times since April, but Matthew Stafford was the QB at Jawja last year, and he was the #1 over-all pick by the really really REALLY bad Detroit Lions…..and $43 mil is guaranteed! Great work if you can get it! Still, Jawja will be able to contain the deep balls and mostly stUFf the run by having those speed ends funnel the RB’s into the teeth of their defense. Jawja wins, but Okla State is a fun team to watch and those uni’s are about “Gator good”. Those white-on-white uniforms on their home turf are top 5 easy! SEC beats down the BIG12, but it’s a great game to watch.
We also get Notre Dame/Michigan. Wait for it,…waaaiiittt for it!. Snore!…………….These two teams, and this GAME, were must-see-TV in the 80s, and even into the 90s….but, not so much anymore. We’ll all still want to watch this one, but mostly to see if Fat ASS keeps his pants cinched so tight the under-belt fat sticks out farther than the over-belt fat. Golden (shower) Domers have said Bubble-ass was losing weight, since his failed attempt to sue the Doctors who tried to staple his whale ass belly shut (can you imagine the amount of metal involved there?). Fresh off that court room menace, Chuncky Weis was reported to be trying other methods to drop a zip code or two from his butt. StUFfing cheeseburgers into his cake-hole two at a time, beats 4 at a time I guess. Dick Rod has a stable of Frosh QB’s to throw at Chunky-ass’s defense, who should FINALLY be DIV 1 level (sure, they “should” have been 4 years ago, but I digress). Chunky recruited well, but has been unable to make top 10 classes pay off. This guy make Gerry Faust look like Knute Rockne! No one in the history of College Football ever LEGALLY duped a School out of MILLIONS like Krispy-Kreme Weis did….then, fail so horribly at delivering ANYTHING on the talent that came to see him coach. Fahq, Navy had more talent than Notre Dame did…two years in a row (they only won the one time though). He may be the worst DIV 1 head Coach in America. A Garden Hoe, might have been a better choice,….and would have cost less to feed! Notre Dame blows, and that “Queer-eye-for-the-Queer-guy” QB, Jimmy (really, isn’t it about time to DROP the “Jimmy” and go with “Jim”???….c’mon, they may play like a Pop Warner team, but seriously!…) Clausen has all but ruined the family name. Promising multiple Nation Title and multiple Heisman trophies upon his signing at ND, little “Jimmy” has failed miserably at being even a marginally effective DIV 1 QB. Oh, and remember, Chunky Weis was (or still “is”?) an Offensive genius!>..ppppp-aaahhahahahahahaha!… no WAY I say that with a straight face…no way! Watch this one though, if only for the “Geesh, maybe a play will stretch to the sidelines again, and someone will up-end fatass (again), and send him to another surgery! Michy gets them in the big house, but unless their Freshman QB’s are ready, it may not be enUFf,..still, I love to hear the Urban Meyer to Notre Dame talk, so…let’s take Michy to win this one, and send those Domers into a frenzy for Urbs!
Who takes Vick?
Obviously, The Browns taking him would be humorous!,…READ….The Dawg-pound will become the “Pound-the-Dawgs”! Interesting marketing concept,…and since that’s about ALL the NFL has these days, its a possibility I’d guess.
Where is his “break” gonna come from?…Oakland?…New England?….Tampa Bay?….or maybe KC, or Minnesota? What is YOUR opinion of this “man” and his “options”. The UFL has reportedly offered him 2 mil,..though I hear that’s unconfirmed.
“CATS” in the craddle?
BUNGLES picked #28, by Fox Sports!
Sound about right?….Well, not to the water-cooler gang in Cincy who have playoff visions dancing in their heads! WHY?, probably because Mikey Brown is such a shrewd business manowner, I’d guess. Certainly it can’t be much fact-based hope!…”OH, but Keith Rivers will be back, and we drafted well this April!”….ooooh, well, how could Fox Sports and I BOTH miss that news infusion!?!?…I hear Andre Smith won’t likely be signed until September one!..typical Mikey Brown!
Oakland, Cleveland (yeah!), St Louis and Detroit are listed (by FOX Sports) below (-me,…”giggity“) the Bungles…..THE SCHEDULE is favorable, you’d think, but 8-8 is (at this point) the most probable finish. How is it Mikey Brown is soooo hated in this town, yet EVERY year there’s this gapping sense that he’s turning it around THIS time!??! He’s a baffoon! Why are the BUNGLE-faithful so easily duped? SOP (Son of Paul) is to running a productive franchise, what ”The View” is to quality programming. I’m all for being optimistic, and I hope Fox Sports and I are wrong here,…I mean, after all…Fox SPORTS has been wrong before!
Perspective….and the fly ball
First off, Brandon Phillips is one of my favorite baseball players, ever. Favorite current Red, and in my opinon the FACE of the Reds as a team. He’s hardly been the team leader (by example), of course, as his “tank-it” on another fly ball routine showed in the opener of the Dodger series. This is nothing new to the star second baseman.
By now we all know the STORY and the “big” news that Baker took offense to it, and sat him in last night’s LAUGHER, a 12-3 loss. (yeah, it WAS 12-1 after 5,..and “Man Ram” was being “Manny” long before it ended, his day being over in the bottom of the 3rd.)
I didn’t see anywhere in the article that he was forfieting a game check, or providing it as a donation to some charity,..so,…I’m gonna assume he got paid to sit there. WOW,…little DRASTIC don’t cha think? He sits in a Major league Dugout….everything is still comped; -food, drinks, laundry, care, everthing….but instead of “WORKING”?….he’s gonna sit, AND get paid?;….and THAT’S gonna teach ANYONE a lesson? I know here at work, if they told me to come to work and just sit and watch, BUT get paid…I tried like HAIL to make sure THAT wasn’t a regular happening!….brutal punishment Baker, BRUTAL! Send his ash back to Cincy, w/o pay, and that message is a little stronger,….my opinion. Of course watching the team lose 12-3 MIGHT make him feel like a fan, for a minute, and just might leave a lasting impression…????
SHE STABBED HIS ASS?
..for coming home a little late?…..OK, so it was ‘from” a SOCCER game,..or, Futbol game as they might say it….still, bitch waited and then stabbed him. I hope she likes going to anger management classes!
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -Police have detained a Malaysian woman who allegedly stabbed her husband in the chest for coming home late after watching a soccer match between Manchester United and Malaysia.
The man had promised to come back immediately after the match in Kuala Lumpur on Saturday evening, but his wife was “very angry” when he returned after midnight, district police chief Abdul Jalil Hassan said Tuesday.
The woman stabbed him twice in the chest with a kitchen knife and then took him to a hospital, where a doctor reported the incident to police, Abdul Jalil told The Associated Press.
“He was with friends after the match, so that’s why he came home late,” Abdul Jalil said.
The man was recovering in the hospital and police have not decided whether to charge the woman with any offense.
The English Premier League champions defeated Malaysia 3-2 on Saturday in their opening match on a preseason Asian tour.
Wait, POLICE HAVE NOT DECIDED WETHER TO CHARGE THIS LUNATIC with any offense???…GOOD GAWD!, what kind of liberal government must they have in freakin’ Malaysia?!?!? You stab a man TWICE in the chest, and they have to DECIDE if they should charge you?
It wasn’t a bumper-day for dude either!…cause Man-U beat malaysia 3-2 in the “match on the pitch”!…This guy did NOT having a good day. Its not even like he came home late!…Reports say it was just after midnight,..Christ!…TRAFFIC BABE! We don’t always get home from a freakin’ REDS game until after middie!
VIVA la crazy bitch with a bloddy kitchen knife!
Reds need to make a move….
…ANY move, to show they have an idea, a direction, or even just the motivation to get better!….SOMETHING! I think the reds should look towards a trade.
There are a lot of ”fit” players out there that have “somewhat” low value. First off, and he’d fit here tremendously, Ben Zobrist! Tampa Bay wont have a slated everyday place for him to play him when Iwamura comes off the DL, “really” anyway. Currently he fills in nearly everywhere,….so you’re saying a guy who plays everywhere, plays hard, and isn’t a media whore is generally a player we TRADE AWAY, and not one we covet,…WELL,..you may have a point there! Let’s hope THIS time, we go against our grain and target him as “primary”.
Another player the Reds should be looking to, is Willy Aybar, also currently of Tampa Bay. He’s not an everyday player for them right now, but could be for Reds. He has a lot of potenital and responds well when given time in Tampa.
Mike Aviles, (28, INF) His “price-tag” should be reletively low; Last year he hit .325 w/10 homers. He’s got a good glove and decent speed. He struggled early THIS year, hitting around a buck-70 in first month or so of the season. He was put on DL and the Royals seem to have moved on without him here- for ’09. Since the Royals need a 3B and I will never again be a Double-EE fan, regardless of what he’s done these past few games, – I say TRADE them even UP!
The reds are (or sure COULD be) close to trading away some “spot” guys. The guys: A-yoyo, Weathers, Rhoads, Harang, and Cocco..Any of these 3 mentioned position players make good sense, and are “Red-worthy” players (Cheaper than top shelf, but show we are trying) who could out-grow their britches! Plus, like many others have said, I think it is time to give Mr Stubbs a chance!….-Officially in August of course, when the Reds will be 10 games under .500 and long out of any conceivable contention!
Lawsuit time!
It seems that everyone out there these days is raking in some dough from one class action suit or another. Smokers, fat people, gays, stupid people, women!; everyone is getting paid. Now I hate to jump on the band wagon, especially one that is so corrosive to the legal framework of this nation;….but there is one cause that I not only believe in but I also identify with as (potentially) extremely lucrative! A class action suit against the porn industry!!!
Allow me to explain. I will use myself as the case study example for convenience and simplicity. Back before my porn baptism, around age 14 or so, I was a fairly “naive” cat (Fairly, anyway). I could tug the wombat to the thought of my French teacher’s tighly outlined better side!….. Ah, how I miss those simple times.
But then as I grew older Lawrence Flint and the Internet made mass amounts of smut available to me with a few clicks of the mouse, things began to change. A brave new world of porn was opened up to me and I explored that new terrain with a gusto that would have impressed Lewis and Clark. The sexual future seemed bright indeed as I learned more about deep throating, daisy chained rug-munching lesbians, gangbangs and double penetration. My one-on-one sessions began to incorporate all of these righteous new novelties. I like to think of this as the Golden Age of my sexual enlightenment.
Then something “strangely”-strange happened. One day, some years ago, while sitting at my computer running both Bangboat and Edonkey simultaneously and downloading over two dozen different porn images, and ”personalizing” to German strudel-bang videos, I suddenly realized I was in fact addicted to porn!… And not “just” porn, but hard, hard-core porn. Quin(t)iple-X shit. I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I made due to the thought of normal missionary sex that didn’t involve any battery-(or gas)powered gadgets, pimped out costumes, whips, lava lamps, and the like. In fact, I realized that it might just be impossible to get by with anything less than the image of an obese Hawaiian woman getting ganged by a bunch of midgets dressed up as Braveheart extras. What had become of me??!?!?!….. Desperate to prove to myself that I was still “normal,” I immediately ran to Valerie Abati’s house, and began to,..to…”go” at her in the most simple, unadulterated way. Things were going well and I almost felt normal until my imagination began to take over and all of a sudden the rest of the room was filled with imaginary bisexual women in Catholic school girl uniforms eating “bananas“, pausing only to slap my ass and egg me on with a hypnotic cheer. In that moment I realized that porn had poisoned me. I was no longer able to enjoy conventional sex for what it was. Porn had effectively diminished my ability to pursue happiness, a right expressly afforded to me by the constitution….the constitution, dammit!
Now, I know what you are thinking. This alone is not enough to win a court case. Negligence must be proven!… It must be proven that the creators and publishers of porn knew that their product could potentially harm the viewers.
I’ve got that angle figured out now too. Sure they might “claim” ignorance. “How could we know what the reaction of an individual, much less the masses, might be to exposure to our product?” I would counter this question with one of my own. “Are you telling me that the average male porn star who has just finished a filming shoot in which he strapped an eleven inch dildo to his forehead and slammed a girl in the bum with it while she gave head to a Dalmatian;…. are you telling me this guy can go home and have normal, conventional sex with his girlfriend, wife, or farm animal?” Hell no. He is addicted too. Everyone in the industry is addicted. The porn industry knew all along that its product was addictive and harmful to its viewers because they had had ample time to witness its destructive power within their own ranks. Those bastards have to pay!..pay ME!
So join me, fellow porn addicts! Perverts, sodomites, Onanists; rally around my banner of sexual indignation! We must take to the streets and expose the porn industry for the chicken hawks they are! Let’s light up some torches and besiege the mighty porn citadel, drag that monster out into the light and demand what is owed to us! BIG MONEY!
Where is the outrage?
A 63 year year old Spanish (as in, FROM Spain) lady, “walkers” herself into a Fert-Clinic in Los Angeles, and they “filler-up” with seed?…..REALLY!?!? A 63 year old lady, FROM another country, SINGLE, and they slam it on in there anyway? I guess the check cleared, huh!??
So OH MY GAWD it must come as a COMPLETE surprise, when 3 years later, she freakin’ dies! ( SAD STORY …..and THIS ONE..)..Like having an 81/82 year old mother attending your High School graduation ceremony wouldn’t have been EXPECTED! Read the last line of the article, this dumb nit-wit bitch was expecting grand-children out of this deal!….How they let some one so OBVIOUSLY stupid gain ill-gotten seed, is mind-blowing! -Criminal even! Authorities claim at the time she was “fitted with twins”, she had to know she was stricken with the cancer!
SHUT these freaking clinics DOWN!…That Octi-Mom bitch was bad enUFf, but now the AARP crowd is sneaking in, using fake ID’s and getting kids? THIS is CLEARLY being abused, uncontrolled, and is only producing HUGE numbers of welfare babies and future career criminals. Some welfare Mom can walk into these places and get “stuck” no questions asked, but my insurance company (because I actually have to PAY for mine!) is critical of my kids medical needs?….A kid that’s being PAID for!?!?!
Then again, with sound scientific reasoning like what she said “my Mom lived to be 101, so I can expect to live that long too” (para-phrasing), why should ANYone doubt this touched-in-the-head bitch!???
Keep spitting out kids ladies, everyone else will help you!…After all, you have the “birth-hole”, that’s really all that’s required, right?….(note: sarcasm)