Dear TheDoc,
I have this friend, his name will be “Billy.” He needs a little help. Billy recently got out of a serious relationship and is not currently looking to get into another one. He wants to run free and sew some wild oats. In his pursuit of wild oat sewing, a situation presented itself with a single friend. Billy and this girl messed around a bit. The aftermath of the semi-hook up has become disastrous. She has now become a stage-5 clinger. Texting, calling, and what not. She is not into friends with benefits as previously thought. In our social circle these two have to see each other and hang out quite a bit. It is now getting awkward for the rest of us. Billy has told her that he is not interested in anything romantic. Honesty hasn’t seemed to work on this situation. I need your help in alternate (and tactful) ways to get rid of a stage-5 clinger. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
A-Friend-of-Billy
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I’ve got to be honest, I’ve been struggling with this all night. I’ve tried to be tactful, but it’s just not in me. I mean who are we kidding here? If it’s a tight circle of friends, then this chick had to have known his situation, and he had to have known what a mental case she is.
Words of wisdom Billy, “You have to pass on the ass, if she want’s it to last.”
In her defense, I’m sure Billy’s honesty came, after he did! He should’ve laid down the law prior to laying pipe.
Two Rules for FWB:
1. NOBODY Knows! That means even the circle. What you do is your business and nobody elses.
2. It must be clearly understood by both parties PRIOR to the emancipation ejaculation!
You have 2 options here Billy Boy!
First, you can try to stay the course, be honest, be friendly but not boy-friendly! Use reverse psychology on her, make her think it’s her choice not to be with you. Massage her mind, not her heart and you will be able to control the outcome.
Second, you just keep banging the bitch! Lets be real, you’ve already told her you’re not interested in a relationship, you’ve tried to go the honest route, you’ve tried to take the high road, but don’t be such a quitter already. You set out to sew some wild oats. So sew them! Just make it all about sex. Listen, don’t let this chick fool ya. She wants the bone, so give it to her. She just doesn’t want the circle of friends to think she’s a slut – Tell her to read RULE #1. Everytime she tries to be romantic or talk about feelings, just change the subject. Eventually she’ll take the hint. And if she can’t take a hint, she can keep taking the dick.
If she sends a text message saying what are you doing, just say you were thinking about a bloge! If she says what are you having for dinner, say a taco with no lettuce.
I mean put the shoe on the other foot, do you think she’d be tactful and let you down easy? Hell no! She just wouldn’t answer your calls. She’d run your name through the mud with the circle of friends. So…Dog her ass! Teach this bitch a lesson. You can’t worry about what other people are going to say or think about you. Nobody cares that you tried to be a gentleman about it, all they know is that in the end she will be crying and the circle will suffer for it. At least you can say you were honest about it. And while the women in the group won’t like you for it, the fella’s will understand, and more likely laugh and give you their 2 cents on the issue.
Unless this chick starts to listen, the circle of friends will be divided forever. Friend of Billy, if you really want to save the circle, then you need to step in. Somebody outside of him has to explain things to her.
In the meantime Billy, grab that big glass of Jack and Coke, light that big Cuban Stogie and tell her, “Do the damn thing!”
You have to pass on the ass, if she want’s it to last.”…..that’s going on a bumper sticker!