There are tons of things to do in Cincinnati and here are just a few of them.  Have a Great Weekend!

CarMax Riverfest Sawyer Point

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at12 p.m.

Soul of the City Soiree and Fireworks Montgomery Inn Boathouse

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 5 p.m.

John Morrell All-Star Blast at the Ballpark Great American Ball Park

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 5:30 p.m.

Labor Day Bash Lodge Bar

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 7 p.m.

Snap Crackle Pop! Below Zero Lounge

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 9 p.m.

Afterworks Party Fountain Square

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 9 p.m.

Cincinnati Bell / WEBN Fireworks Sawyer Point

When: Sunday Sept. 5 at 9:05 p.m.

Rubber Duck Regatta Purple People Bridge-Pete Rose Way, Cincinnati and Third Street, Newport

When: Sunday September 5  at 3 p.m.

Christopher Titus- Funny Bone Comedy Club – Newport on the Levee – Newport

When: Sunday September 3 at 8 p.m

Who knew you could fry beer? Sure most men have dreamt about it but who thought that dream would ever become a reality? Well according to delish.com, Mark Zable has done just that and he has entered it into the Texas State Fair. His creation features Guinness beer secured away in a ravioli-like envelope of pretzel dough and is deep fried for about 12 to 15 seconds. Something fried and alcoholic all in one bite and in that short amount of time! Don’t worry deep frying does not burn off the alcohol!!

Apparently Zable can’t take take all the credit, he didn’t come up with the idea alone. He got the idea from his 4 year old son, someone is raising his boy right!!

Well Merry Mother Fucking Christmas to all of my Buckeye Brothers and Sisters.  That’s right bitches, football season is upon us.  Let us bow our heads in prayer……

Dear sweet baby jesus, laying in manger with your little sweater vest on, thank you for bringing another season of football to us.  And to our sweet 6lb 8oz dear baby jesus, while it has seemed like an eternity since the end of last season, we know that you give us that down time to recoup, study film, and prepare for the following season, and to spend time with our loved ones that we won’t see much of for the next 5 1/2 months.  Dear teenage jesus, wearing a “I Love Fatguysports.com” T-shirt and rockin’ a “Pray hard or Go Home” hat, please watch over our beloved buckeyes and forgive them for the pain they will deliver this season.  We ask all of these things in your name, dear sweet Buckeye Jesus…..Amen!

It’s a Dog eat Dog world.  Nobody knows that better than me.  Hell this looks like just another day at the office for UFreak and I.  Every now and then he tries to throw some shit at me and I just gotta lay the Doc Pimp Smack on his ass and let’em know who the Commander in Chief is up in this bitch!  Dude, I love the “You can’t fuck with me” attitude.  But seriously, you probably would’ve been better off with a helmet and shoulder pads.

Listen, if anyone knows how to get yourself out of a depressed state of mind, it’s this bitch.  Hey, if she says you gotta move every part of your body, then I fucking believe her.  Homegirl hit the hydraulics, backed that shit up and started shaking it.  Wasn’t sure if I should be turned on or concerned.  At one point I thought she was having a seizure, until I heard that little munchkin laugh, and the jerk was back on.

If I ever get into the “Match making” business, I’m hooking this little slut up with my boy Timmy.  Like they would just have a wheelchair rockin’ good time.   Because you know when a chick that’s 2′ tall, flails around in a wheelchair like a Cabbage patch kid thrown off a 4-wheeler, and still has the vienna sausage fingers to tell you that you’re fucked she has to be the type of chick that goes down on the first date!

So, there’s a class, at the University of Florida, that’s called “21st Century Skills in Starcraft”.  Not only do they give credit for this class, but it’s an “Honors Course”.  Like how fucking low do your expectations have to be of your student body to start offering classes based on XBOX360 games?  I mean, when do you go to that one, sometime between gym and study hall?  or just before football practice?  And you know the dude rapping in this lame ass video has to be a UF alumn.  The last time I heard inbred jibberish like this is when I had a beer with UFreak at the Metro. 

And before UFreak hops on here to post some bullshit rebutle, let me just say….Look Dude, I understand!  It’s OK!  I mean, they couldn’t send all the kids that road the short bus to Michigan.  Florida was the next feasible option.

Now, cue the “I love Florida for all of these stupid fucking reasons”, from Ufreak in 3…2….1….GO

Yeah, I know I’m 2 days late on this.  But what the fuck am I supposed to do?  I mean Ceasar had the Roman Army, Columbus had help from the Queen of Spain, and what the fuck do I get??? UFREAK!?!?!  Yeah, looks like the gods were smiling on me that day!  Now, on to the blog…

Is this dude the real fucking deal or what?  Homie is bringing the heat!  Forget the performance enhancing drugs, this dude has an RPG attached to his shoulder.  100, 101, 102 mph?  How the fuck do you hit that?  Like you gotta start your swing when he starts his windup bro.  Good luck with that shit!  Good thing he’s on our side.

PS – Looks like we’ve got a closer for the playoffs!  And he’s on a 6-yr contract.  Can you say Mariano who?

Look, I’m all about reppin’ the hometown and anywhere in the tri-state area.  But I’ve got to assume dude in the Ocho jersey must’ve let the other guys use his video camera or something. Dude had like 2 lines before the hook phrase.  Somebody hook my boy up with few more lyrics in his next smash hit.

Above is the orginal News video about a family in Alabama who fought off an intruder that was apparently trying to rape some chick. 

Below is probably the best news story remix ever.  My favorite part is the two white boys posing as Newsman, clapping and bobbing their heads to the music.  You know the attempted rapist is pissed off, he’s got a gay dude in a red bandana, looking like a cross-dressing Aunt Jemima looking for him.  He can’t even go whoop his ass for talking all that shit either.   Dude’s got a website, unlimited video re-makes, and his shit is all over the internet.  Notice to all future alleged Rapists, do a little homework first.  You know, scout the situation out.  Last thing you want is a Homo talking shit in the projects about how he’s gonna find your ass.  C’mon boys, step your game up!

The site ran into some problems while Doc “hit the Beach”!,..and, thankfully, he had along a couple spotters!

Apparently, though, he’s back in town now and all will be just fine!…Well, maybe not that cheap ass Publix beach chair, but,..you know!….WELCOME BACK DOC!!!!

Without going into too much detail on how this story idea came about….I’d like to discuss….Brazilian Waxes.

I’m sure most men appreciate a well kept woman (if you know what I mean)…but I wonder if they really know what goes into that.  It’s not just a razor and some shaving cream.  She either has to pay a stranger to pour hot wax on her inner most girlie parts, slap some muslin on there, then RIIIPPP away faster than you can blink an eye, piece by piece, crevice by crevice, hands, fingers, and faces…all up in her business. (Come to think of it..doesn’t sound all that bad now does it?)  OR….after she’s paid to have it done a few times, she might get a bright idea and say “Hey, this isn’t so bad, I can do this myself!” 

It’s a whole different story inflicting this kind of pain on yourself and unless she wants it to look like she hired Edward Scissorhands as her Wax Specialist, once she starts this process she’s in it from start to finish with no turning back.  She’s got one leg on the wall, one on the floor, she’s leaning back as far as she can, while still looking in the mirror, her hands are gripping the muslin and…….wait….I said I wasn’t going to go into detail, didn’t I? 

Anyway, what I’m getting at here, is that us women go through TORTURE..and this is no joke.  SERIOUS TORTURE to look good for you guys.  It’s not just going to the salon and getting our hair done and being pampered, it’s TORTURE.  I will challenge ANY GUY to SELF WAX their balls.  And live to tell about it.  Self-wax your balls without passing out and then tell me your experience.  I am DYING to find one guy who has done this. 

I know it’s a crazy thought, and I’m not seriously asking for any guy to do this, my husband is convinced that it’s physically impossible to wax balls….I’m just giving you guys a heads up to give your well kept gal some extra ‘appreciation’…because Lord knows..she earned it.  Tip your strippers an extra Hundo, heck, tip your wives and girlfriends an extra Hundo if they are keeping it nice and cleaned up for ya….because I can guarantee getting it done was no walk in the park.

That being said, everyone wins in the end……there’s a reason us girls go through this and sure, some of it is to please you guys, but let’s face it….us girls can be a little selfish too, and truth be told, it probably benefits us the most.  We’re always lookin’ out for number one, ya know… 

After a few technicalities, we are back online.  We switched to a new server farm, which I know doesn’t really mean shit to most of you.  But for Techie’s like me, it’s pretty big shit!  I’ve got a backlog of articles to get up.  It only serves me right to decide to take down the site at a time where the news and sports world is just filled with blogging gold.  Some of the stuff is old news now, but we’re playing catch up.  In the meantime, find me a midget and enjoy the new security and gauranteed “up-time”.

After a recent trip to Boogie Nights I realized two things. 

1. It’s a great place to go with your girlfriends if you want to dance, drink and laugh your face off.

and…

2.  Single guys should probably make a bee line for this place because it is PACKED with women with virtually NO men. 

Just mention the word ‘Boogie Nights’ to a guy and watch his eyes roll back in his head and a look of fear and disgust wash over his face.  I understand that it may seem like a ridiculous concept to men, but think about it you guys.  This place is loaded with girls, all ages…..and they are there to get crazy.  Single guys can go there and take their pick because there is no competition in sight…trust me on this.  There are girls dancing in scantily clad clothes on stage, girls dancing on the dance floor, girls taking pictures and posing in silly chairs, girls drinking heavily, girls drinking lightly, this place epitomizes the term “Girls just wanna have fun”.

And if your a single guy and you haven’t taken advantage of this fact yet….then I’m not sure what your problem is.  But don’t say I didn’t give ya a heads up!  Boogie Nights = Ladies Night….Get there and get your groove on, you won’t be disappointed!  And if you are…then go next door and win yourself some money….it’s a win win. 

In what will be the most anticipated promotion from the minor leagues since Homer Bailey, the Reds have called up Aroldis Chapman. He will be active for Tuesday’s game. I’m not sure what role Chapman will have, but my guess is set up man. Arthur Rhodes re-injured his right foot plantaar facitiis which has flared up all summer.   Check out the Cuban Missile’s last ten games’ stats courtesy of the Louisville Bats’ website.